Resolution #8: Socialize; catch up with old friends, make new friends. Be less dependent on existing social circle

Done and done! Let's recap...

Sipping delectable dessert wine at quaint french cafe Le Bistrot du Sommelier along Armenian Street followed by potent cocktails at The Library x V1/K/friends; long overdue supper at Jalan Kayu + talking for hours (God I've missed J.LML); stuffing our faces at Sun with Moon x the makeupgroup; gorging on yummy tapas and downing inappropriately-named (I thought H was the most uncommon name in the world, I couldn't have been more wrong) mojitoesque drinks  at Bodega y Tapas x the COT; sumptuous yumcha x N/P/M at Lei Garden and dinner with IJ girls M/J/J this Wednesday!

Hitting the Andy Warhol-Studio 54 theme party at The Art Bar/Butter Factory x the girlz #vicanda in full-on glam mode - think Bianca Jagger in her heyday - vintage Frank Usher Grecian goddess gown (from my 21st), vintage gold belt & clutch, brown suede heels with gold straps. Glowing skin, smoky gold/bronze eyeshadow, cat eyeliner, red lips and retro curls pinned up on my right/cascading down my left. Even the unexpected presence of the Irish couldn't bring me down. 

I think the dark clouds are finally passing. 

It's only January and already I've managed to catch up with various social circles absent in 2013. This year has gotten off to a good start. Fingers crossed it stays that way!

I should add #15: Try new things to my list of resolutions; too easy to get stuck in a Club St/Kyo/life in general rut... Loved the impromptu catchup x SMc at Jigger & Pony last night. Am usually so harried rushing from one social event to another that it felt thoroughly refreshing to sit at a bar and chat over cocktails (sans time constraint)

Plus I want to check out these places (additions anticipated):
House of Dandy
The Spiffy Dapper
Tippling Club
The Secret Mermaid
Bitters & Love
Oxwell & Co
The Black Swan/The Powder Room
Maison Ikkoku
The Horse's Mouth
Oh, I've just booked my ticket to Laneway this Saturday - Whoop whoop to losing my music festival virginity! Hmm, I wonder what to wear...

cafe 1001

last week was a whirlwind of fun! (exclamation mark for extra emphasis)

thursday
bought the most amazing oversized knitted shrug from a REISS sample sale at brick lane - it was exactly what i was looking for. we just so happened to be there, whereas others were physically hunting it down. twice, people ran up to me asking where the REISS sale was (having seen the bag in my hand). ooh knowledge is power. fyi: the shrug was originally £95; the sale price was written as £20, but it could have easily been a squiggly £10. when i brought it up to the till, the guy was making small talk and throughout the entire transaction i was still thinking: let it be £10. please, let it be £10. he charged me £15!! carla and i kept very quiet/calm, but the second we stepped out the store, we both turned to each other and exclaimed: he charged you/me £15!! i did a little jig on the spot.

lunched at cafe 1001. i had heard about it so many times by so many different people that it had practically been drilled into my subconscious. NGR and i always walk past and sniff at the aromatic burger/hotdog stand whilst checking out the colourful crowd seated at the benches but we never properly ventured in before. by the way, it is fantastic.

upstairs is chock full of comfy sofas, chilled out music playing, people sitting crosslegged on armchairs with their laptops, in their laps. an example of just how chilled out the atmosphere was; some guy started playing the saxophone (out of nowhere!) carla and i were chatting over our food when we heard the sound of a saxophone. we turned around and there he was, surrounded by his friends. totally and completely out of the blue. how random is that huh?

the rest of the day consisted of: running around london on errands, meeting up with carla's friends D and J, back to cafe 1001 so they could have dinner. J was a blast. she whipped out 2 bottles from her bag; one was vodka and i'm not sure what the other was. we all had drinks. then we headed off to UCCA's graduate photography exhibition, which was located somewhere in brick lane/shoreditch.

i surprised myself; i had such a good time socialising (that i made a deal with myself not to be holed up in my room and to make a conscious effort to mix around [next year]). i conversed with some of the seniors from my course and other people i'd never spoken to before. sure, meeting new people for the first time is slightly strange/awkward for me, but hey, alcohol always helps. they were serving red/white plus stew (the name of the exhibition was called stew), so it was fitting.

i stopped drinking after a few glasses, because i know myself *the look* but D and J were such a riot! firstly i noticed that D was started to sway and the wine in her glass was sloshing out at random intervals, then they started banging on the piano when the sign in front of them read "please keep quiet" hahaha. we left as the exhibition was clearing out, owen the dancing queen wanted to party into the night but we went back to cafe 1001 instead (yes, again) to meet J's boyfriend and grab some food. after a bit, carla and i bravely decide to leg it, from brick lane to shoreditch/old street.

on the way home, carla gets hungry. so we make a pit stop at some shop along the street. while we're there, i notice the dapperly dressed indian guy next to me picking up his wrap and telling his similarly suited friend 'not to leave alex alone.' i turn and see his friend (let's call him B) leave the shop and stand next to 'alex'. oh, who am i kidding? i noticed alex even before we entered the shop, he was really cute :) but weirdly enough, he was talking to a bunch of filthy looking guys, probably drunks. so B positions himself next to alex, and it seems like they're saying goodbye when suddenly i see alex raise his third finger and go "fuck you!"

uh-oh.

it was like the gates of hell were opened. cans came flying at them like missiles and their suits were completely doused in beer. they were standing outside the shop, the other two trying to break up the fight while alex stood there dumbstruck. the drunk was shouting "don't EVER tell me to fuck off!!!!" but after some convincing, he and his posse walked away, kinda. i reached out to offer the suits tissue when another guy walks in with two girls. he's not a drunk but he IS drunk (get it?). he notices the suits and yells, "don't offer them anything! they don't deserve it. where are you from?!?!... goldman sachs!? BASTARDS! i'm a bartender, i should know!"

in my head i'm going: damn straight but i say nothing because a) they may not be from goldman sachs b) even if they were, i'm sure A SELECT FEW are actually decent human beings. plus i felt sorry for them. before any of us could react. the drunks come back, kick alex once or twice and run away. all that comes to mind is the fight scene between hugh grant and colin firth at the end of bridget jones diary. it's such an un-manly way to fight, come on, kicking someone's leg?? all this while, the italian guy behind the counter tries to open the door and bring the men in, to keep them safe from the drunks but the IDIOT bartender is holding it shut, telling him not to help them. asshole. why are men so idiotic? it's always about them and their bloody egos.

out of the blue, alex breaks from his reverie and runs after the drunks. the italian man is yelling, "don't let him go after them. it's dangerous out there!" carla and i are terrified, being caught in the middle of a fight, it was really quite scary when the drunks came back because we were just about to leave but had to retreat into the store once again to keep out of harm's way. the second alex ran off to chase the drunks, carla and i left, without buying anything. the stupid bartender told us not to be afraid, but i felt like saying "ignorant people like you are reason enough for us to be afraid."

he had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fight but was simply adding fuel to the fire. we need less of these kind of fools around. tsk. all they do is cause additional trouble. them plus those drunks and maybe alex, for being dumb enough. good god.

friday, to be continued...

victoria has happily reverted to basking in the sunlight; wearing flimsy sundresses and flipflops, as promised.

updates for the week

monday no sleep. went for dental. met up with jacky for supper at jalan kayu. he drove! love it *grin* we went back to the same place for supper, twice! hopefully *fingers crossed* under the guise of my fav men's shirt, i managed to remain relatively inconspicuous the second time round. the same couldn't be said for him with his distinctive polka dotted AA hoodie. it was a night of long overdue revelations and truth.

tuesday went to town to meet car. two girls got their mother to chase after me (while walking to the TS escalator) and ask where my sundress was from *laughs* cute. i saw my babylamb! i (predictably) shrieked the heavens down; people actually backed off and left a circle of empty space around us :) car bought the topshop white bikini with fluorescent orange hearts for me!! her new boy works at the peppermint club (st james) hence the best spot was reserved for us; we sat on swings facing each other. very secluded, hidden away from the public eye - just what i needed. free tacos/wedges/chicken wings/drinks inclusive. *thumbs up* i'm liking him already *grin* outfit: grey/white floral tent-dress, denim hotshorts, silver thongs, mauve headscarf.

wednesday did an all nighter, went straight to lunch with ken and mellie at newly opened eatery relish. cool burgers; mine was some mexican one with guacamole. outfit: floral tieback minidress, black jersey vest, pageboy cap, thongs. popped by topshop to visit car, saw my darling licco (hugged her to death, she was on the phone heh) guess who we bump into? miss seet herself. style advisor reunion! *beams* i love this particular aspect of singapore's smallness. so much for that afternoon power nap. stopped by sanchia's for a brief (and i mean BRIEF) "hello and goodbye" in and out within 5 flat. i end up with nary an hour's rest before the calls start coming in. i don't even remember who called, just that i was semi-comatose, hence babbled some crap and hung up - acc. to a very annoyed josh later on.

managed to blackmail my darlings (cot - jol) into zouk, after fulfilling my sushi cravings - done and done. i was so lethargic.. till gen. seriously, my whole world lit up the second i saw her on that escalator. jacky said, "eh gen's here." i looked up and there she was, walking towards me - my source of energy. i just could not stop screaming and hugging her. the guys got all weirded out, they said "i don't know them" and walked away. we were still hugging whilst sitting down side by side in the sushi booth. i kept touching her, just to prove that she was real. right in front of me, in the flesh. it was so surreal.

mr wo-hong-le jacky lee called up bkf which sent us to the front of the queue (that wound round all the way into the carpark) we cut it. yeah! pity zouk was filled with such weirdos. bumped into/hugged gaurav! we left extraordinarily early, for the first time in my life i felt it was justified. zouk was CRAP. settled in tong shui cafe for supper; she shoots, she aims, she scores! i spontaneously decided on shooting peanuts into pp's shirt pocket. cue: crazy laughter. josh = bruce lee (i see it now! it's the hair) i miss this easy companionship, i love this crazy bunch to death. outfit: purple chiffon dress, black knee high boots, gold rose plate.

thursday woke up late, as expected. original plan: spend the entire day with gen. we ended up doing dinner - me gen drea owen - at the roti prata place outside drea's place. gardens, ice cream for the gang; the ATM machine ATE my card (well, it was actually my sister's, given to me by mistake) argh. so frustrating. after that, it was back to hers; promptly falling asleep in her beanbag.

friday lunch appointment at * with roy. he was super duper late. lunch became tea. i was feelin' really sexy in black high waisted shorts (my 10 min. shorts), white tank, animal print stilettos and scarlet lipstick - which truly made the look. i was on a one-woman mission to find out the truth and clear the air; things have gotten over-complicated lately, too much drama needless to say.

instead of dining with car, roy and i ended up having ayam penyet (another one of my cravings he obligingly helped fulfil). spur of the moment, we headed to zouk - just the two of us - so that he could 'mark attendance'; i watched in awe as he flashed his card and signed me in. *claps* in the members area, we sat and talked. roy was amazed, his little girl victoria is all grown up now; red lipstick, making him feel her supershaved legs, the notion of making out with hot guys after succumbing to inebriation, stuffing cash in my bra (a trick we learnt in rome, that has kinda stayed with me especially when one is lacking in pocket space). SHOCKER, for him.

after that titillating conversation, he put his arm around me and proudly proclaimed, "you have become a woman."

the rest of the night... is in a blur. bits and pieces of a puzzle that neither of us can complete. especially after downing jugs of g&t, way. too. fast. all i remember is giggling and stumbling - arms around each other - from zouk to velvet to the phuture and back (har har get it? future and back? *silly grin*) "blind leading the blind" said he. we tore up the dancefloor a la my sassy girl at velvet (initially empty until we took matters into our own hands). god i haven't had that much fun in ages. it's been awhile, i hafta say... *grins* LET'S DO IT AGAIN!

a.p.p.a.r.e.n.t.l.y, some drunk girl went up to some guy in a neon shirt, tugged on it and said, "your shirt is too bright" then calmly walked away. (how my sassy girl is that?!?) from what i recall, he didn't take offence, finding it amusing it instead *laughs* these lips are sealed; don't ask cause i'm not telling! *smirk*

saturday followed mum to settle bank stuff. I'M VERY PLEASED: the efficiency in singapore is impressive; we got through 3 banks in less than 2 hours. so happy was i that i pressed the "excellent service" button at HSBC. mum gave us 1/2 hour (est waiting time) to sneak out and grab a quick bite, verr and i gobbled down wanton noodles/char kway teow respectively (me and my insatiable cravings) and were back at HSBC in less than 15 min. next, brunch with jon flug. upon my cheery "heyyyyy jon!" he reckoned i must still be hanging over from friday night, given the 'general loopiness' in my appearance - read: dishevelled hair, aformentioned men's shirt, flipflops.

adm gathering/bbq at hk gangster's condo. apparently, everyone's been tuning into my life via facebook, asking if i'm there to study or party and inquiring about bfffs mandi and lili haha. i find it thoroughly amusing. it was good to catch up though, must be my first time attending an adm gathering since graduation.

sunday the intial plan: picnic at botanical gardens, silly boy twinset refusing to come without the other *the look* eventual outcome: picnic by the pool. i made pasta, gen, potato salad. gossip magazines. swimming in the rain. i stood still, letting the rain gently fall down on me. i felt so.. free. after a bath, more lounging around on gen's supersoft bed.

as promised, i took the tan/de silva clan out for dinner, crystal jade. funny bit: in rebuttal to my assumption that mum took her frustrations out on him (while i was away) verr said, "surprisingly, the mother didn't COME ONTO ME while you were gone." upon realization of the words that just came out of his mouth, *awkward darting of eyes* status: my family is choking with laughter.

he stumbles, "no no.. i only got paid for EXTRA SERVICES." at this point, i'm trying my best not to laugh any harder as i can feel the food rising up my throat. everyone else is just crying with mirth. mum tries to clarify it by saying, "no lah.. he was helping me. he got paid 5 cents.." god, how is THAT supposed to be helping? *laughs* justin later told me that the people at the surrounding tables were staring at us strangely, probably thinking we're crazy. and i'm not so sure that they're wrong haha.

local delights i've consumed this week
mee goreng. roti john. wanton soup. charsiew noodles. chicken rice. bite of nasi lemak. char kway teow. ayam penyet. cheese/plain prata. teh peng. milo dinosaur. teh cino. carrot cake. wanton noodles. char siew rice.

girls night in

did i mention how much i lovelovelove manda and lili?

i'm honestly DREADING the day they have to pack up and return to nz. i shudder at the mere thought of it; when that day comes *sad face* i'll probably be sprawled out on the floor clinging onto their ankles, begging them to stay. my only proper english speaking friends! we get along so well i can't remember a time when i didn't know them. we have progressed to the stage of having inside jokes *the look* that's how far along we've come.

after grocery shopping, we returned to our respective flats to cook lunch, with the promise of meeting up later in the evening. ie: getting dressed, going out.

after a terribly full (late and long) lunch, manda and i texted each other back and forth, hoping to spur ourselves into hatching some great plans for tonight - nothing. she wanted to do something. i just wanted to dress up, but not go out. rochester isn't exactly the hippest joint in town. hip isn't even in its vocabulary. rochester + hip = ? you get my drift.

in the end, i hopped over to watch the O.C. on dvd, and knock back malibu pineapple (i brought with me 'asian snacks' [they totally coined this term] and m&s choc biscuits), expecting a relatively tame night. halfway through - i can't exactly put my finger on it - we somehow got to talking about fresher's ball next week; - it's a 50s style boat party, on the river thames - outfit, styling, hair & makeup, shoes, bag.. etc.

ding! manda had a bright idea: we were going to practise curling our (mine and lili's) hair to get that 50s style wavyish loose curls, in a casually pinned updo. i ran back to my flat for some bobby pins, rubber bands, clips and breakfast at tiffany's.

what's a girls' night in without some holly golightly?

while the dvd was playing, manda aka chief stylist/hair & makeup artist/all-round everything-er worked her magic on/with the curling tongs. lili took a few photos so that i could witness the progress. manda never fails to surprise me with her enthusiam (and the fact that this woman can do almost anything), amaaaaazing! when she was done with the hair (which took the duration of the film), she proceeded onto makeup - doing proper smokey eyes/dramatic pencilled in brows/glossy lips - going all the way with the whole glamour-girl look.

upon the completion of her final touches, i nervously took a peek in the bathroom mirror - the unveiling always gives me the jitters, from disastrous past experiences - voila! it was... absolutely gorgeous. iloveloveloveit! the styling i mean. it's real pretty. we took more photos but uploading them on facebook would seem awfully narcissistic. i'll put up photos from the actual ball next week. basically, she pinned up the curls on the left and back of my head, but let the rest cascade loosely on the right.

back home, whenever we have a GNI, i'm usually the one running around doing everyone's hair. in the end, i never get anything done to myself because no one else knows how. for the first time, it feels nice doing girly girl stuff and having someone make you up pretty.

next, lili!

manda repeated the steps, but went milder on the makeup - lili tends to go for more natural looks whereas i'm up for anything (as long as it's at manda's magic fingers!) brushing across a forest green and bronze eyeshadow and giving her flushed rosy cheeks. curled hair as well; on the day itself lili's going ultra glam with glossy slicked back waves, pinned. my inspiration for her look was maggie cheung: in the mood for love. can you believe we actually researched this, and made film/red carpet references?

taking it one step further, manda and i practically launched ourselves 2-against-1 onto lili, forcing her to try on several dresses, belts, shoes and bags. we had to get the styling right. i bet she hates us now. haha. well, what do you expect? we're fashion students!

2/3 degrees of separation

i forgot to mention last night - what a load of fun! talk about 6 degrees of separation, personally i feel singapore only has 2 degrees of separation (everyone's a friendster connection or two away). max. 3, if i'm stretching it.

i was dyyyyying for a bout of clubbing last night, but after several attempts made to confirm a time and place to meet without response, i gave up asking. not bothering to pick an outfit/dry my hair/apply lotion/put on makeup, i simply sat crosslegged on the floor of my room in my underwear and begged ah car (over the phone) to a) come along for a night of drunken debauchery at mos/zouk OR b) join me for supper/a bitchfest at jalan kayu. *snicker*

she just laughed off my pleas and said i was being overly dramatic - but in a funny way. glad to be of entertainment to someone. a.n.y.w.a.y, we eventually end up making plans to meet for supper. guess who i spot already warming the seats at thasevi as my mum drops me off? *drumroll* my boys roy jacky and rex! - well, only roy and jacky are my boys, not so much rex. to claim otherwise would just be... weird. so, i dial roy's number and simultaneously bound over full of enthusiasm. cue: surprise! long story short, i plop my bum down upon invitation and inserted myself in the conversation/joined in the lively banter.

not much later, ah car and her dude arrive. do not be fooled, turns out singapore is even smaller than it seems. he in turn, knows rex (army, commandos or something). *the look* see what i mean? great for us though. i love random unexpected moments like these where it just so happens my colleague's boyfriend knows my friends' friend aka everybody knows everybody and we all get along fine and dandy. rex and gary are talking. jacky and roy are talking. ah car and i are talking.

psst. i love my teh cino :) it's like a more evolved state of teh peng. haha

roy jacky and rex depart first. followed by us remaining three. don't ask whose bright idea it was to suggest we walk back to my place from jalan kayu! but it was oodles of fun nonetheless, and great exercise too! i needed to walk off all the condensed milk in my teh cino, too darn sinful. gary rode his bike alongside us - at the speed of a turtle on sleeping pills - (it didn't come out sounding as funny as it looked in my head. haha) while ah car and i walked on the path. it took close to forever but i really enjoyed the looooooooong walk home. it's been awhile since i last did that, and company on such journeys are always appreciated.

they came in to look at and play with aj for abit then left sometime after. i polished off the night by watching the taped version of my korean show and csi. if i may say so myself "oh what a night.."

grownup-hood

when i was in secondary school, i watched with mouth agape as all the sec 4s sashayed around like they ruled the school, fact of the matter was - they did. being 16 never looked so cool. when i was 16, being legal was all the rage. i looked upon turning 18 as a ritual of sorts. i yearned to be 18 and legal; you're supposed to have a revelation, and there's a moment in which you leave your old self behind and become an adult, or something like that.

then i heard that at 19, a woman is apparently at her peak; she will be at her most attractive stage, look the most beautiful and be in the best shape, physically. there was just something (i can't really put my finger on it), it was evident in all my sister's friends, then 19; this innate sense of self-confidence/assurance that sparkled from within. it was as if they had come into their own, found themselves - they no longer required approval of any kind, from anyone.

they lived for themselves.

i remember admiring them immensely and spending my days wondering when i would feel the same.

at each particular significant 'turning point' - i waited patiently for this revelation, and the magical transformation to take place - there was none. i wanted so desperately to be of age, to find out for myself what it felt like to not feel the constant urge to seek validation, i wanted to radiate self-confidence with every step. i wanted to be a real grown up.

one day, - today in fact - i realized that the transformation was not noticeable because it didn't take place overnight, but gradually over time, many years. there was no instant ugly duckling->swan moment nor the sprinkling of fairydust.

a couple of hours ago, i was sitting poolside with the usual suspects, sipping wine, dressed in a sky blue oversized men's shirt (i can't help but feel empowered and sexy wearing a man's shirt!), white shorts, brown leather saddle belt slung loosely over the hips and green & white striped wedges (just fyi) and it hit me. we were conversing about random things, as per normal. i suggested we all share 3 things that none of us knew about each other. in the midst of that, realization dawned: i AM a grown up.

i'm at that stage in my life where i've finally come into my own, i wear whatever i want, i do whatever i please and i TRY not to give a damn about what other people think or say. i feel comfortable being myself, trust me when i say it's been a long time coming.

hey, life's short. you gotta live for yourself.

i've never felt more grown up in my life. for the first time i have; a job, bills to pay, official government letters about CPF/the $100 GST thing/donating my organs, CREDIT CARDS, real problems and issues to deal with - all of which are things i associate with grownup-hood

Dr. Meredith Grey: We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

note: i loved my lashes today. my mascara is drying up just a little, the end result was my lashes sorta clumping up - i did them in a hurry - but ultimately looking very thick and doll-like, it opened up my eyes tremendously! makeup: i changed the shade of my tinted moisturiser, it's currently a mix of pink+ochre. flushed cheeks, windblown strands loosely knotted into a bun, no eyeliner or eyeshadow, just mascara. and my pretty stila lipglaze.

"i wanna have your babies."
- natasha bedingfield

fake plastic guns = fun.

guess what i'm doing, right at this very instant?

like a little kid i am - together with two other big kiddies, namely gen and drea - playing playstation games in andrea's super saturated room, screaming shrieking squealing shouting, you name it, we're doing it. acccctually, i'm typing away at the laptop, while the others are shooting at the screen with plastic 'guns'. *smirk*

put my name down too *rolls eyes* that makes three.

a low-key, casual/comfortable, easy-going gathering, just the way i like it.

we simply picked a day and decided to meet and eat, although i have to credit it to the fact that we did discuss the possibility of doing dinner sometime this week, at andrea's super classy 21st birthday do last friday. i don't know how else to put it. unlike all the other times, when we had to flip through our datebooks (imaginary or not) for the sake of pinpointing and painstakingly planning a perfect gathering that all of us could make attendance, this i'd have to say was relatively easy in comparison.

some roti prata, roti john, mee goreng, and a variety of drinks later - dinner was done with. we then trooped over to her house, to do what we usually do - which is err, rubbish. haha. that also happens to be what we are currently preoccupied with; we played the simpsons taxi game - that's when all the noise-making came into the picture - now we're stuck on some shooting game - fake plastic guns and all. i was taking it to another level (of psychoticness) with the ducking and the hollering,

"andrea, DUCK! he's behind you!!"

"cover me! i'm going in!"

she just looked at me if i had lost my mind, which probably isn't too far from the truth. seriously, the expression on her face stated clearly/plainly: haveyoucompleteylostyourmind?

GIGGLE.
GRIN.
SMIRK.
SHEEPISH SMILE.
HIDES FACE.
RUNS AWAY.

i'm glad work starts at 2pm tomorrow, which means more time to hang out with the girls! doing non-girly things *beams* this, i could do more with/of.

low key goes a long way with me.

everything changes, but you stay the same.

19th april
the makeupgroup was reunited, for the very first time since 2007 kicked off. as far as i can recall, the last time we got together went like this: dinner at sake wheelock, ladies night zouk.

of late, all i can bring myself to look forward to is/are quiet moments with the people that truly matter. last night was a blast; in a very low-key casual comfortable kinda way - that can only be when you're with close friends, who know you inside out.

eg: jobi recognising the familiar tilt of my head when i'm ogling cute boys (instead of paying attention to pauline talking). HAHA. that was seriously funny! i can't believe she could tell, from the BACK OF MY HEAD! plus she ratted me out whilst (i was) at it. *pout*

before i go into detail, i shall go into my outfit. *grin*

first, let me explain my fascination with describing my outfits: because of the nature of my job, i have to be dressed in * from head to toe everyday, so the only chance i get to utilise the remainder of my wardrobe is on my singular off-day every week. at the first chance i get, i stash away my * gear in favour of vintage dresses and the rest of my non-* clothing.

these days, i've been feeling very kate mossey. blame it on the upcoming launch of the kate moss-topshop collabo and the sudden peak in interest from the general public - her name is ubiquitous right now.

i'm telling you, it's the vest. (scroll down)
typical kate moss.

the look: übercasual-chic
empire waisted floaty top in dusty pink with satin trim around v-neck, mango. checked shorts with turn-up hem in grey/blue, COL:. stone grey tailored racerback vest (worn open/unbuttoned), topshop. my ever-so-trusty gold thongs, BKK. vintage chanel-lookalike black&white checked clutch with gold chain strap, mum's. rusted gold heart locket on chain, H&M.

we sashayed over to sake at wheelock - yet again - for dinner. and boy did we eat. we consumed so much, by the end of the meal the table was a mess, plates and cups strewn all over. chitter chatter. it was nice catching up on all the happenings that had taken place within the past 4 months of our lives that we had so conveniently missed out on.

after i related my sad tale in context to my current plight, there were sympathetic oohs and ahhs followed by much clucking of tongues. felt just like the 4 of us sitting in the design canteen, eating chicken chop and teh peng all over again. i was overwhelmed with an immense sense of relief; none of us had changed. sure, we'd grown up and gotten jobs - with the added responsibility and stress of work hanging over our heads - but intrinsically, we're still the same.

next stop, far coast.

upon jobi's recommendation, we wove our way through the (imaginary) crowd till we found ourselves at the doorstep of this new-agey cafe with a really cool hang-loose vibe about it. apparently, practically the whole world is in-the-know about this place - with the exception of myself - who ironically enough, works at orchard road. we slipped inside, placed our orders and found a cosy little cushioned corner to park our bums. daintily sipping our teas, we chatted somemore. as the occupants of the neighbouring table threw dirty looks over their shoulders at us (beats me), we ignored them right back.

(just had to give that a little mention, no particular reason why.)

a.n.y.w.a.y, long story short: we got sleepy, made plans to meet again, then shared a cab home.

finito.

bay. lee. s

after a long hard week of full-on work, (and by 'full-on' i mean, 8.5 hours a day x 6 days a week, on my feet) there's nothing quite like a couple of shots of baileys to dull the pain.

introducing our very own...
BAILEYS PARTY!

the BP materialized when i - in dire need of a chillout session - came to the shocking realization (while brainstorming for fresh new ideas! *rolls eyes at own enthusiasm*) that there were 2 bottles at home, and nobody to drink it. hence, BP came into motion!

place: poolside at gen's balmoral bachelorette pad poison of choice: baileys, original and caramel party people: (cot - 1) + 1 = [cot - joleen] + gen = josh pp vic gen

sitting poolside either lounging on deckchairs star-gazing or being a participant of our in-depth conversations on life, love, work, relationships, marriage, our childhoods, past present and the future, dream homes (pagoda vs. pavilion), estimated no. of offspring, living with in-laws, the 10 worst reasons to break up with someone.. etc

you get the drift; anything that could have possibly crossed our minds at that given moment. it's not everyday that you get to do this... just talk, and in such a candid manner to boot, free of all the stifling/stilted conversations that often take place outside your comfort zone, around people you have not a shred of affinity with. for that alone, i'm ever so thankful, to have been blessed with the company of such friends. and simply, for being able to be me (around said friends).

as egotistical as it may sound, i cannot stop patting myself on the back for this gem of an idea! i simply can't imagine a more perfect way to celebrate the end of yet another week, and to embrace the coming of a new one. well, can you? we should make this a weekly/fortnightly affair. evil grin. now that the seed has been planted, i'm pretty darn sure the notion will catch on, if it hasn't already (caught on).

cue: changing of topic.

many a time, i wonder: why the hell are my friends so nice?

eg #1: jacky dropping by in the middle of a workday to hand-deliver (one of my favourite things in the whole wide world) famous amos?!?!

eg #2: josh picking me up after a long hard day, with some large chocolate chip concoction from starbucks in hand, saying he guessed i must be tired from work and needed a drink??!?

purely FYI: i'm notorious for my obsession with anything chocolate/chocolate anything

AHH i love you guys! thank you for everything. i promise i'll try to stop being such a grouchypoo and revert to being the tokyodrift-loving girl i once was.

no man, no cry.

EIC @ wala; what a perfect way to spend a sunday night.

"everything's gonna be alright. no woman no cry."

i nonchalantly said: "i'll order my usual." only to be rewarded with a bemused josh, "err.. what is your usual?" haha. "strawberry margarita!" thinking back on it, i might as well have ordered something stronger, wala's version is so super watered down, i could hardly tell the difference between gen's 'crush' (strawberry ice blended something) and my supposedly alcohol-infused margarita. these days, i hardly feel it. it tasted just like juice to me. and to think back in the day, i could actually get high on one of those. tsk.

i requested 'boston' by augustana but they didn't play it, because apparently jack is the one who usually sings it. instead, they performed a gorgeous rendition of john mayer's 'your body is a wonderland' - one of my favourites. as you can tell, i wasn't too upset or anything. hee.

aside from commenting on my flexible feet, (after the set) the lead singer apologised for not playing my request. i told him it was completely fine, and even explained the rationale behind the request. i never liked 'boston' until i heard EIC peform it live - that night josh and i left wala humming "you don't know me, and you don't even care" for the following couple of days.

oh, and earlier on in the day, jacky dropped by with the most pleasant & unexpected surprise; a little yellow sack of sweet-smelling famous amos cookies, (one of my favourite things in the world) how sweet! this brings me back to our design school days, hanging out in town after class. whenever we started nearing the famous amos in wisma, i would close my eyes and sniff the air but i refused to give in to the temptation (obviously, on occasion, i did.) jacky said i came to mind when he walked past it, so he bought some for me :)

it's days (and friends) like these, that make it all worthwhile.

today, i had the worst case of monday blues known to mankind. it was a lethal combination of pms (brought on by natural causes: hormones) + pms (point of origin: severe humidity) = bitchy/black face.

then came along my saviours - gen and josh - to save the day! (even though it was i, who donned the gold wonderwoman/WWF belt) happy juice; kiwi strawberry snapple (even though it leaked in my bag). movie; stomp the yard. man, i haven't had popcorn in ages. i like that i laughed so much i can't even count how many times or recall what it was about. i haven't sat in billy for-ever, in my head i imagined he had been repainted.

good ol' times. brings back alot of sweet memories; like nearly suffocating while waiting for josh and joleen, talking to myself to keep myself awake and from being 'poisoned' to 'death' by 'carbon monoxide'.

cafe del mar

cafe del mar, no butter. alot of too much champagne. someone kept filling my glass. boys, girls. wet cushions, rattan chairs. sand, jacuzzi. took off my shirt and shoes. wore too many clothes, so hot. fries, sauce. alcohol helps. sentosa at night is pretty. i could see the stars. i think i'm a bit drunk. just a little bit. i'm sleepy. i should sleep. i feel dirty, and wet, i have to bathe now. and sleep. i'm falling asleep on the floor, where are my jeans?

edit*
boys nuts about girlongirl action. the belt that served no function. notepads in hot shorts. wading ankle deep in water, girl's loo flooded. bata slippers. long running joke about job, haircuts on facebook, i can't remember any more for now.

now that i'm awake and (more) sober, i can say this
oh what a night.

p/s: i found my jeans.

the unanimous choice: dinner/breakfast @ bookcafe, it was closed. the alternative: brewerkz @ clarke/boat quay (i can never figure out which is which). in a series of seriously fortunate events, we miraculously bumped into gen & co. there.

(gen eventually left her company to join ours. YAY!)

after dinner activities: almost MOS-ed, left for villa bali only to find it un-open, then to samar @ arab street to 'tempt' our tastebuds with their incredibly strange concoctions; body/facial/foot-scrub-like almond milk drink (gen), at least mine was normal, some mango yoghurt ice-blended drink. safe, but drinkable.

josh and pp's honeydew sheesha!
hahaha. [cue: inside joke]

upon spying a few friends playing cards while having our drinks, we decided to head over to gen's place (the only one remotely in the vicinity) to play too. there we were, sprawled out all over the multiple sofas in her apartment, having a late night snack of milo (possibly biscuits) as we played taitee. i won a couple of rounds, but even before that, i suggested the winner of each round asking a 'secret question', only to be tragically turned down by pp. *rolls eyes* so much for the show of support.

i'd have to say, last night was funny though. all i remember is laughing for most of it. loaded with sarcasm and the rolling of eyes at one another.

chompchomp

**chompchomp

i know, i KNOW this is long overdue- like several months overdue- before gen flew back to the land down under and sarah off to waikiki. oh well this'll have to do. yes, i realise my photo arranging skills leave much to be desired-- tough!

sarah and i rushed over to gardens after attending a 'fashion show' at scotts. some fashion show it was, the guests had to stand around the racks of clothing in the store while watching the 'show' which by the way, consisted of a pathetically tired and dusty-looking red carpet posing as a 'runway' and 3 models to model every single piece of clothing in the collection. yeah, i counted. T-H-R-E-E.

*shrugs* what-ever. the people there were so phony and fake, it didn't make much of a difference to me. blowing air kisses (in some cultures, it's part of their etiquette. when did it become part of singaporean culture? like never?)

moving on. upon reaching serangoon gardens and unloading our stuff at sarah's place [in my case, switching my hotpink heels [exodus style but $10 from target (aus)]- that were giving me blisters- for proper flipflops] we were off again- to search for miss viva sitting pretty at chompchomp.

i handed over gen's personalised birthday present and to my delight; she was delighted :) she was fascinated by the box, even more so than the bag i had painstakingly sewed 'viva' with a crown in sequins for her. she loved it because i had freehanded our picture (the one with the flower in my hair + gen with her pretty blue beads at andrea's) for my digital essentials class, and i decided to print a smaller sized one for her. she clutched the box to her like a baby with a bolster. it was SHO cute. *grin*

see? personalised presents are the best. heh. HINT HINT CLUE CLUE. december 7th awaits!

we hung out- eating, drinking, talking, chilling mostly. it felt really good to get together again, even if gen was to leave the morning after. it felt kinda.. i don't know. i can't explain it but, when you know time is running out; you make the most of it, and we certainly did. serangoon gardens is really pretty at night- to my surprise.

i simply couldn't bear to crop out the pretty lights behind me in the photos/NO i am NOT a narcissist/gen had the digicam/i didn't know the sneaky little thing was snapping away.

it was cool and breezy, just the way i like it. good food, good conversation, good company, good weather- what are we waiting for?

to: andrea, sherl, broc, sarah, gen- ONLY.
ladies: we're chompchomping when s&g return.

p/s: jon/chong boon boon/booboo, if you happen to read this-- I WANT TO CHANGE MY BLOG SONG! spanks! *hug* i'll send you a couple of songs to sample and we'll finalise it later.

p/p/s: COFFEE @ STARBUCKS AH JON!

p/p/p/s: my present? *holds out both hands* hee. on second thought, i bet it's mouldy by now *the look*

Girls' Night Out

i think i've become so accustomed to terrible things happening to me when i go out at night that when a perfectly normal outing occurs, my system overloads.

read: no aged-angmoh-spg-seeking-men-leering. no cheekohpek-legs-on-stool-pointing-and-dialect-dissecting. no indian/pakistani/sri lankan-constructionworker-eyes-glowing-in-the-dark looks. no horrific dance moves atop podiums. no freakyrickys' lurking in dark alleys.

in other words, as normal as normal with me can be :) it's been awhile since i had a *GNO with the girls.

i still remember the first and only proper *GNO we ever had, hosted by me. amidst a flurry of makeup suitcases; our mothers' lipsticks and eyeshadows, blushes and brushes, glittery hairclips and glossy hairdos were our teeny tiny IJ shorts: a requirement stated on the invitation- the must- have item in order to play the default partygame for hormonally challenged convent girls: truth or dare. in awe of the magic equation: cornflour+water=? wow. watching "i still know what you did last summer" which made them run up and down my staircase in avoidance and us to hold on tight and pray for dear life.

"if you want me, come and get me! I'M RIGHT HERE!"- miss jennifer love hewitt

we sat in circle, tealight candles surrounding us in a watered down half-baked schoolgirl ritual. we promised to do it again, but keeping the promise was just not to be. it was the last time.

6 years later, our idea of fun has changed, fundamentally. heh, get it?

tonight was all about the chillin'.

this was a not so modern day lounge bar along clarke quay, quaint in its own precious way. antique-ish furniture filled up the little pockets of space all over. the bartender must've taken one look at me and thought: kids nowadays ah.

he said a little resignedly,"sweetheart, we don't serve cider here." SWEETHEART? what am i, 12? at least he didn't call me 'girl' or something. haha. actually, it sounds kinda cute. i'm a sweet-heart :) he called me that for the rest of the night..

we made our way upstairs despite/because of his warning, "there's no one to meet upstairs." which only acted as a stimulant as we hastened our steps in a bid for a central perk of our own.

the sight that greeted us was a welcome one: padded benches that surrounded the perimeter, folds and folds of vibrantly gold sprinkled mustafa-ish fabrics draping from the center of the ceiling, a pool table, a rusted looking coffee table at the foot of, get this: A BED. it instantly reminded me of the club in Sex And The City amptly named 'bed'- i just had to make the reference *grin* when i peeked over the sides of the balcony that framed the upstairs, i could get a clear vision of the beer swigging socialising crowd below. good enough.

so we got our place. i just wanted a place to chill after a LONG week of school, sherl needed a semi-quiet place. we were very contented, me especially. i claimed the bed as my own- plopping down and spreading myself around on it. hah. room for NO ONE else. we were catching up, drinking our mildly alcoholic drinks and enjoying the soft rock music. photos? ah-be-duh.

gen and sarah insisted i looked like a porn star in the first shot taken on the bed. i was wearing my ballerina top, hk dark denim fitted jeans and my glittery 'christmas ornament' prom shoes :) i had discarded the gaudy gold chain strap off mummy's old bag. voila! transformation complete: one pretty vintage greyblack&white checked clutch? tick.

i tried to be daring, for a change. instead of the usual 'fresh faced' natural make up look i went for, i smudged my black eyeliner atop soft sparkly pink eyeshadow with a matching blush from my childhood play-makeup set *laughs* milder on the skin i suppose. glossy lips.

everyone looked amazing.

'the return of dressing up to go out'
- tracy philips i adore.

gen, looking sexy and casual in black and denim. i'd expect no less. sheryl, the surprise of the pack- daring to bare almost all in a printed halter and denim mini. her usual bohemian chic took the form of a glass (i think) beaded necklace and a peasant scarf around her hair. sarah, black tube as usual and i forgot her bottom (oops). i noticed we were all wearing heels, them- black. me- sparkly silver, sequins and beads. WHEE!

anyway, the rest of the night was either forgettable or i can't remember; which basically means the same thing. i vaguely recall hailing a cab [new discovery: comfort cabs' midnight charge starts at 12 = 50%. city cabs' midnight charge starts at 1130 = 35%] OR it could be the other way around.

hmm. i learn a new thing everytime it's 1156 pm and i think i've beaten the midnight charge; only to find out that BEEP! nope. it starts at 1130 pm. tsk.

a.n.y.w.a.y. sarah was complaining about our partypooper tendencies [explain some other time] "it's not even 12!" she said- gen sheryl i: [pre hailing and entering cab] madly cursing at taxi drivers who pretended to be HIRED when they SO obviously were NOT. we zigzagged across the empty streets like 3 times just to find a strategic location- yeah. all for a TAXI -.-

yada yede yodo yudu yidi.

[post hailing and entering cab]: giggling like the ex convent schoolgirls that we were. psychotically taking pictures on gen's digicam (will we ever get tired of our own faces? NO) taxi driver got semi-irritated with my *ahem* infectious laughter. reason: sherl kept giving these shocked weird retarded faces because of the flash, she just COULD NOT smile properly. which really got me going. until i choked on my saliva and had to stop; just in case my saliva blocked my windpipes or something. *the look*

i got home last. what fun. we promised to do it again. this time, WE MEAN BUSINESS :)~

*GNO stands for Girls' Night Out.
*FYI. For Your Information.

*GNSTDLTBBB.
Good Night,
Sleep Tight.
Don't Let The BedBugs Bite :)
*GSD for short.

i just realised something-> it's actually really easy to remember. GN general/STD sexually transmitted diseases/LT lecture theatre/BBB buyer behaviour business

now, how easypeasyish is THAT?

VERY.

la la la...

caught in a moment. *b'day version.

wow. i'm so overwhelmed.

for the first time ever, i'm lost for words. i don't know how or where to begin.

my 18th birthday was the most 'happening' birthday in my LIFE. it wasn't so much the happening part, more like so many things were happening at once (mostly unexpected), and i got caught up in the moment. i was so overwhelmed; i was scared, upset, PMSed, depressed, disappointed, excited, happy, in pain.. you get my drift.

i don't know if i can do my birthday justice simply by writing about it. you know how sometimes you go to the most fantastic party ever and have a GREAT time, but you try to write about it and you can't? you had too much fun, there was too much to write, in the end you were content to leave it in/at its best and most perfect form; in your memory.

my birthday was meant to be a HUGE deal for me, everyone knew why i wanted to turn 18 *grin* and how badly i wanted it. i had an ulcer under my tongue, i was recovering from my sore throat and flu, i had a bad allergic reaction all over my thigh, i was not in my best shape and i had somehow gotten a 2-tone suntan on my face by staying under the shade all day long. weird. and I GOT MY PERIOD. after 2 months of PMSless-ness, it came. gee.

long story short; this was NOT the way i had planned it to be.

i was supposed to be alot of things, but i was none. i cried ALOT. this was the first time i had cried so much about my birthday. i cried during and after the party on saturday because it really didn't feel like a birthday party; the people that mattered the most to me were not there and it just went all wrong. i was so unhappy. i was about to cut the cake but all i really wanted to do was cry. but i called my sis and cried on the phone to gen, then i was ok.

after the clock struck 12, i opened up all my presents. i was happy. i really was. then when i lay in bed thinking, i started tearing. which then led to full blown sobbing; i was in disbelief over the way things had turned out. i was scared about my rashes. it's terrifying seeing this fungal-bacteria thing literally consuming your entire thigh.

the next morning (birthday), the yelling commenced. i was 15 mins late, i didn't have class but i went to alter my timetable. my mum screamed all the way to school. you know the rule: you cannnot upset the birthday girl. well, she SO went there and back at least 5 times. for the absolute FIRST TIME in my life, i made a decision and i stuck to it. she thought it defiance, but it was just the practice of self-control. i shut up. funny how she's always telling me not to answer back, but this time, the more answering-back she DID NOT GET, the more enraged she got. i reached school and the dam was about to break. i was desperately calling everyone, anyone. i just needed to get it out of me. i called manda and she was cheerful as ever. then she picked up on the weird tone in my voice. she was in the next room. i went over and proceeded to cry all over her. you know, she being roughly 3/4 my height and all. after that, i calmed down. msged my mum, explained things. i made it right.

i was in this ultra zen-like mode, almost as if i was gliding along instead of walking. it was as if i KNEW that god was trying to intentionally place these challenges before me as a means of distracting me from the actuality of the situation; that NO MATTER WHAT, at the end of the day i would still get my greatest wish fulfilled. i would be 18! (unless i got knocked down by a car or something.. *touch wood*)

i went to meet my best friends. andrea and i were busy playing the roles of taitais, with our Christian Dior bags [hers bangkok, mine hongkong]. orginal? OF COURSE NOT! firm believer in imitations here! hah. she even came up with a taitai joke as part of the lightbulb series:

"how many taitais does it take to change a lightbulb?" "zero. they'll get someone else to do it for them."

to fulfil my craving for cheese, we went to NYDC at wheelock. we ordered the pasta heaped with cheese. yum. andrea and gen shared theirs. sherl came later on. took tons of pictures. posed with my presents. we ordered the... get ready for this:

"jedi mudster." may the force be with you :)

haha.. for some reason, i found this supremely fascinating and hilarious. so i laughed nonstop until my eyes shut. [small eyes, natural response to laughter] i was high. my friends were so embarrassed when occasional shrieks of laughter carried over from our table to the rest of the place, for no apparent reason somemore. hah. suddenly everything seemed funny. after i read the brief synopsis-like thing on the menu about the jedi mudster, i started chanting,"jedi mudster.. jedi mudster..." in the hopes that the waiter would somehow read my mind a la the mighty yoda. what rubbish. hah. yes, my state of mind right then was.. unexplainable.

my friends were bemused and bewildered.

make like yoda and say,"bemused and bewildered my friends were" -? sound familiar? "begun the cold war has." -star wars episode 2.

*snort* and so, the saga continues... sarah came over. by that time, we were stoned shitless. headed over to starbucks [my fav place for its armchairs. tock seng's hospital has the BEST!] only to walk out after deciding we were hungry. off to BK. settled down noisily with the commotion that comes naturally with us rowdy people. hah. ate and ate until we were sick of onion rings. literally stuffing them down each others' throats. snapping shots like supermodels on steroids. --until this weird guy asked if he too could take a picture of us. to which i said N-O.

too bad. i would've loved to post up the pictures. pictures say a whole lot more than words. they're with vivagen. new nickname! anyway, we planned a whole lotta zouk outings; when everyone comes back from their respective holidays, we shall all go and wreak havoc. *evil grin* i was excited. i AM excited. can't wait. hugs and promises to meet again were exchanged. we parted ways and i went to see a doctor. talk about anticlimax.

11078906 you guys.

you know, i never meant for my birthday to be so drama. THINGS HAPPEN.

she's straight! she's straight!

the first half of yesterday, was a flurry of all things pink, heart shaped objects and vintage jewellery.

on receiving the sms from quek notifying me that they were going to catch 'taxi' before 'the forgotten', i did an about turn, rang sarah up and decided to tag along on her wild shopping spree for FREE (for seventeen magazine).

being the fashionista that i am, i had pulled out several potential outfits for the outing the night before (i used to plan my outfits months in advance).

the jacket
1) my new white jacket with the dramatic lapels and large buttons

the tops
1) brown mandarin collar-styled cheongsam knit top with a pink oriental print (bysi)
2) violet tube with gold sparkles and lacing at the back (flea market)
3) black & white off the shoulder top with black sparkly designs and zips at the shoulders (hk)
4) pink-ish off the shoulder midriff top with purple & white prints (worn over a white top or the violet tube) (morgan)
5) HOT pink & white striped halter top with a collar and tie at the hips (bysi)
6) white handkerchief chiffon halter with pink & purple flower prints (urban & co)

the bottoms
1) faded jeans with my white butterfly belt

the shoes
1) white open toed flats with pink stitching at the sides
2) black & hot pink heels with velcro at the toes

the bags
1) black miu miu leather bag
2) hot pink clutch
3) CD white & pink carryall

the accessories
1) black chandelier earrings
2) turquoise mosaic chandelier earrings
3) silver hoops
4) CK watch

we went on our hunting spree and in the midst of it, i ran into the cute salesguy working at sponge far east, again. my guy radar was sounding alarms, being astoundingly accurate and efficient as usual, alerting me of his presence. i still can't tell if he's malay or eurasian, probably the former. the last time i saw him, i was with virginia and we were in joint affirmation of his cuteness. you know how sometimes you just know that someone is watching you out of the corner of his eye? i swear he was watching me as we ascended on the escalator.

we went to get a bite. sarah-hokkien mee. me-mee goreng. both-lemon tea. the people eating there did the usual and stared as we walked past. and they say singapore is a country that practices racial harmony. we were both in hearty agreement of the large-and-unfinishable portions, especially the fried rice. we both ate and ate but our plates did not seem to get any emptier. after a long while, she started laughing while watching me stare blankly at my spoonful of mee goreng. i was just loading it in, like rubbish to a dumpster. she asked me to give up the impossible hopes of clearing out my plate and put down the spoon. and so i did.

we left. i got cold. sarah took out this blindingly hot pink furry thing (sweater) and offered it as a temporary cover up. she said," this is all i have." i stared at it as if i would rather die, then grudgingly put it on. it was one of the pink items she had borrowed from the shops. i walked around with my head down low and what do you know.. cute salesguy was right there! damn it. i ducked into the nearest shop under the pretext of seeing something on her list, and started unzipping the sweater. but on second thought, it might seem as if i was trying to bare myself and attract his attention- especially since he already caught sight of the pink furry thing- so i zipped it back up and suddenly the floor seemed very interesting.

we took a cab to heeren continued where we left off. i caught sight of marcus, i think, working at one of the heeren shops while trying desperately to trail after sarah as she zipped in and out of shops. hours later, i left to meet quek at cine. i completely forgot i was just across the street and inquired if she could drop me off on her way back to the office. anyway, i saw the cute bouncer (CB) with his friends while on my way out. i was right. i wouldn't notice him on an ordinary day, with my guy-radar performing up to standard and all. [please remind me of this the next time i meet someone in the dark] later on, my sharp eyes caught the vaness-wannabe with yet another wifebeater, a hairband and some girls! eee. emphasis on the hairband.

the movie was weird. maureen and i were debating its impossibleness/realisticness with shanee and quek. personally, i think we put up a good fight. we trudged to macs to fulfil maureen's ice cream craving and then to starbucks to fulfil mine. the usual hot cocoa for me. i have NO IDEA why i decided to pay the 5 cents in cash and the $4 by nets. *shrugs* all i know is that i caused alot of trouble. i felt SO bad. the guy at the counter was scurrying with the receipt and all i could do was apologise. i kept saying," i'm SO sorry. i didn't know it would cause so much trouble." and luckily the manager, i think, said that it was alright and that he had served a guy who used 3 different forms of payment before. i felt a bit better at that. as i left, i heard him tease the counter guy about something. ah. what the heck.

after they found a table, we sat down and shanee went to make her order. when she returned, she suddenly psst-ed," you're a bi and quek's your girlfriend." i didn't even hear her the first time round. she repeated it once she was properly seated. i was totally huh-ed? out. quickly she explained," the guy at the counter wants to hit on you. so we said you're bi." again, HUH? the guy at the counter wanted to hit on me and get my number, so the cute TINY little waitress psst-ed shanee," quick. hurry up! say she's bi! just say she's bi!" and so she did.

i could not believe it. i just laughed. it's hilarious- the situations we unwittingly get ourselves into. shanee also mentioned that the guy was ugly. heh. evil girl. but yeah, if she didn't say it, i would've made the enquiry anyway. at that precise moment, quek started gesturing to herself and nodding at someone. i turned to look, it was the cute tiny waitress. haha. i could not help myself. i laughed louder and louder until the whole table felt like it was rocking. i had to cover my mouth with my hands in an attempt to stop people from staring at me weirdly.

a little while later, shanee said," she's coming over! she's coming over here!" she never reached our table. because before she did, she apparently blurted out, "oh! she's straight! she's straight!" *laughs* the guy had disbelievingly sent her out on the mission for my number and to not have to go through with it, i suddenly became straight. hmm.. funny how my sexual preference went from boys to girls/boys back to boys within the timespan of less than 20 minutes.

we made a move after our drinks had long been finished. as we left starbucks, i spotted the cute tiny waitress sitting with her friends outside. they all watched us leave *smile*

an interesting end to an interesting day.

the chocolate bar/hanging up

i really don't know what to do with you. please, TELL me what to do with you, and i will.

i've known you for the better part of my pubescent years, i've grown and matured alongside you. we all did. remember us?

when things got this way? i don't know. how they got this messed up? i don't know either.

last night was a mistake.

time and time again, i keep agreeing to go along with mad insane schemes destined for failure. have i not learnt my lesson? have i failed you as a friend? YOU tell me. i love you. i can't imagine my life without you in it. yet, you keep disappointing me.

it's a vicious cycle. they always start off wonderful. everything's all, peaches!. guys are so good at camouflaging their inner jerks. i keep telling you that you don't know them well or long enough, that they are not good enough for you. do you think i'm saying that FOR FUN? that i enjoy having to act as your conscience? I DON'T. i have my own life to worry about. you never listen to me, but you always come back full of apologies, saying that you should've listened.

each time you go back out there and make the same mistake, my heart breaks.

do you know that? do you even care? do you ever think about how i feel?

you keep setting yourself up for disappointment. and you don't even know it. they all objectify you. not one of them is to be spared from this. simply because, they are all the same. you are not being treated the way you deserve to be. you never have.

i'm tired.

keeping track of your lovelife is not my job. remembering all their names is not my sole mission in life. tom, dick or harry, i don't give a damn.

last night, you screwed me. and then i screwed you right back.

was the 1 1/2 hour wait not long enough? one. and. a. half. HOURS. fine. they come. bearing NO apologies. fine. they are all brainless and gave off the impression that even if they did have brains, they obviously forgot to read the instruction manual. because all they did was talk about S-E-X. who slept with who. how many girls he did. how many guys she slept with. oh, wait.. that's not how they said it. it was more like," F this and F that." that person's a whore. that guy's a dick. fine. my IQ dropped at least 200 points just sitting there and listening to all that crap. i bet my IQ is now a negative number.

" oh, i'm in a band. let me in for free. i'm the king of the world." rii-ght. dude, you're in SINGAPORE. sing-a-pore. hello? we worship lee kuan yew, not hugh hefner.

besides being totally rude, obnoxious, stupid and UGLY- oh yeah, if you haven't noticed yet or if you're still in the state of denial, that IS your face. and it's U-G-L-Y. they were all pretty much fat, disgusting jerks only interested in one thing. sex. gee, why am i not surpised?

could you be any less obvious? at least wipe the grotesque chee koh pek looks off your fat red faces. i felt insulted to be associated with your kind. i took one look at the sleazy little place you suggested and i felt like a cheap whore. after all, all the other girls there were underaged and underdressed; how was i to know that you could only get in if you were cheap, and readily flaunting it?

and then you, of all people did the unforgivable.

i cannot believe you brought it up. in the presence of all those jerks, who were COMPLETE STRANGERS to me. you casually dissected my first 'half relationship' as if it were just a random corpse in the morgue. you hurt me. you have no idea what was going through my head. i would've slapped you if it wasn't for the table between us. you had absolutely NO RESPECT for my privacy. yes, it failed. are you happy? i do not go around telling strangers about my past relationships. neither do i have to explain why it failed. it's not something i discuss openly with people. but you embarrassed me. and you humiliated me in front of those jerks. not that i care what they think. but at least let me have my dignity. could you have done that for me? nope. no can do. instead you went on rambling about a call i made to you from my house, which never happened.

let me make this clear. i've never slept with anyone in my life. i've never allowed anyone to touch me when i go clubbing. i've never given out my number to strangers. i've never picked up a guy in my life either. i've never even *** ** ***** ****.

so i left.

and i'm glad i did. my brains would've burst if i had to stand one more moment there pretending to be fine, while you did the expected and left me hanging.

as for the rest of the night. i saw this coming long ago. you know what you did. and you know you deserve what's happened. i do feel sorry for you. but don't expect me to forget, because i won't.

YOU DESERVE BETTER. ALWAYS HAVE. ALWAYS WILL.

but you see, so do i.

sometimes i wonder after all this shit that has happened, why we're still friends. sometimes i forget. i can't keep watching in silence, while you let yourself get treated this way.

soon, my patience will run dry. and i will leave, just like i did last night.

this time, i will be the one leaving you hanging.