caught in a moment. *b'day version.

wow. i'm so overwhelmed.

for the first time ever, i'm lost for words. i don't know how or where to begin.

my 18th birthday was the most 'happening' birthday in my LIFE. it wasn't so much the happening part, more like so many things were happening at once (mostly unexpected), and i got caught up in the moment. i was so overwhelmed; i was scared, upset, PMSed, depressed, disappointed, excited, happy, in pain.. you get my drift.

i don't know if i can do my birthday justice simply by writing about it. you know how sometimes you go to the most fantastic party ever and have a GREAT time, but you try to write about it and you can't? you had too much fun, there was too much to write, in the end you were content to leave it in/at its best and most perfect form; in your memory.

my birthday was meant to be a HUGE deal for me, everyone knew why i wanted to turn 18 *grin* and how badly i wanted it. i had an ulcer under my tongue, i was recovering from my sore throat and flu, i had a bad allergic reaction all over my thigh, i was not in my best shape and i had somehow gotten a 2-tone suntan on my face by staying under the shade all day long. weird. and I GOT MY PERIOD. after 2 months of PMSless-ness, it came. gee.

long story short; this was NOT the way i had planned it to be.

i was supposed to be alot of things, but i was none. i cried ALOT. this was the first time i had cried so much about my birthday. i cried during and after the party on saturday because it really didn't feel like a birthday party; the people that mattered the most to me were not there and it just went all wrong. i was so unhappy. i was about to cut the cake but all i really wanted to do was cry. but i called my sis and cried on the phone to gen, then i was ok.

after the clock struck 12, i opened up all my presents. i was happy. i really was. then when i lay in bed thinking, i started tearing. which then led to full blown sobbing; i was in disbelief over the way things had turned out. i was scared about my rashes. it's terrifying seeing this fungal-bacteria thing literally consuming your entire thigh.

the next morning (birthday), the yelling commenced. i was 15 mins late, i didn't have class but i went to alter my timetable. my mum screamed all the way to school. you know the rule: you cannnot upset the birthday girl. well, she SO went there and back at least 5 times. for the absolute FIRST TIME in my life, i made a decision and i stuck to it. she thought it defiance, but it was just the practice of self-control. i shut up. funny how she's always telling me not to answer back, but this time, the more answering-back she DID NOT GET, the more enraged she got. i reached school and the dam was about to break. i was desperately calling everyone, anyone. i just needed to get it out of me. i called manda and she was cheerful as ever. then she picked up on the weird tone in my voice. she was in the next room. i went over and proceeded to cry all over her. you know, she being roughly 3/4 my height and all. after that, i calmed down. msged my mum, explained things. i made it right.

i was in this ultra zen-like mode, almost as if i was gliding along instead of walking. it was as if i KNEW that god was trying to intentionally place these challenges before me as a means of distracting me from the actuality of the situation; that NO MATTER WHAT, at the end of the day i would still get my greatest wish fulfilled. i would be 18! (unless i got knocked down by a car or something.. *touch wood*)

i went to meet my best friends. andrea and i were busy playing the roles of taitais, with our Christian Dior bags [hers bangkok, mine hongkong]. orginal? OF COURSE NOT! firm believer in imitations here! hah. she even came up with a taitai joke as part of the lightbulb series:

"how many taitais does it take to change a lightbulb?" "zero. they'll get someone else to do it for them."

to fulfil my craving for cheese, we went to NYDC at wheelock. we ordered the pasta heaped with cheese. yum. andrea and gen shared theirs. sherl came later on. took tons of pictures. posed with my presents. we ordered the... get ready for this:

"jedi mudster." may the force be with you :)

haha.. for some reason, i found this supremely fascinating and hilarious. so i laughed nonstop until my eyes shut. [small eyes, natural response to laughter] i was high. my friends were so embarrassed when occasional shrieks of laughter carried over from our table to the rest of the place, for no apparent reason somemore. hah. suddenly everything seemed funny. after i read the brief synopsis-like thing on the menu about the jedi mudster, i started chanting,"jedi mudster.. jedi mudster..." in the hopes that the waiter would somehow read my mind a la the mighty yoda. what rubbish. hah. yes, my state of mind right then was.. unexplainable.

my friends were bemused and bewildered.

make like yoda and say,"bemused and bewildered my friends were" -? sound familiar? "begun the cold war has." -star wars episode 2.

*snort* and so, the saga continues... sarah came over. by that time, we were stoned shitless. headed over to starbucks [my fav place for its armchairs. tock seng's hospital has the BEST!] only to walk out after deciding we were hungry. off to BK. settled down noisily with the commotion that comes naturally with us rowdy people. hah. ate and ate until we were sick of onion rings. literally stuffing them down each others' throats. snapping shots like supermodels on steroids. --until this weird guy asked if he too could take a picture of us. to which i said N-O.

too bad. i would've loved to post up the pictures. pictures say a whole lot more than words. they're with vivagen. new nickname! anyway, we planned a whole lotta zouk outings; when everyone comes back from their respective holidays, we shall all go and wreak havoc. *evil grin* i was excited. i AM excited. can't wait. hugs and promises to meet again were exchanged. we parted ways and i went to see a doctor. talk about anticlimax.

11078906 you guys.

you know, i never meant for my birthday to be so drama. THINGS HAPPEN.