A snapshot of love in full flight

"Under the endless invoices from nannies and car mechanics, receipts from the supermarket with points promised yet never collected, and a veritable Commonwealth of magnets acquired at various travel hubs, lies a photograph that must date from the first year my girlfriend and I began seeing each other. I’ve no idea who took the picture but I’ve always been especially fond of it. She is on my back in my arms, and I appear to be running as hard as I’m laughing. The glowing red cherry of someone’s cigarette smudges across the frame. A snapshot of love in full flight; the very essence of that first, wild, beautiful year where we would stay up all night and do all the things lovers are supposed to do, and many of the things they’re not." 

- Jonathan Heaf on Date-Night Dressing

"Dearest Gilly, sometimes I feel there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know... Maybe I've had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon." 

- Practical Magic

Before Sunrise / Before Sunset

"When you've felt that much about a man and he disappears from your life, after a while you start to think it was just some foolish illusion on your part and that the other person walked clean away, no scar tissue. But maybe the other person felt the same."

It's unhelpful quotes like these which are the reason I am where I am today. Sitting cross-legged in bed post-clubbing at 5:51 am on a Sunday morning, hair dripping wet from the shower, wearing glow-in-the-dark pjs from when I was eleven, and thinking of you.

Still you. Always you.

Finally watched Before Sunrise and Before Sunset consecutively. From over three hours of dialogue, this resonated the most: "I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times." 

In my twenty six years, I've only had a handful of true (romantic) connections, some of which culminated in relationships, others which were fleeting but memorable nonetheless. I'm painfully aware of how rare it is to connect so intensely with someone on a mental, emotional and physical level, which is why I couldn't / don't / will never understand how you could simply walk away.

I guess the difference between you and me is that I've experienced firsthand the brevity of life at a young age, so when something special comes along, I know better than to let it slip away. After all, life is short; it could all end tomorrow. Might as well have lived today.

It's too late now anyway. The damage has been done. You've made a fool out of me.

Friends, you say? Why? So you can convince yourself you didn't hurt me as deeply as you did? Sorry, but my pride - pretty much all I have left - won't let me; I can't be friends with someone I'm still in love with. Although if anyone asks, I will plead plausible deniability. It's hard enough admitting it to myself, let alone others. For God's sake, I can't even look him in the eye for fear of giving myself away.

Above all, I refuse to beg someone to want to be with me. I've lived long enough; I deserve better than HAM. I deserve better, full stop.

an exercise in restraint

if RS has taught me anything, it's this.

we shall see.

the forty rules of love

"Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process. What does patience mean? It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn. Impatience means to be so shortsighted as to not be able to see the outcome. The lovers of God never run out of patience, for they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full."

- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

"he looks like he'd fuck you sideways." - jack

<3<3<3 him,

ridiculously funny boy.

don't try to be perfect

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

Anthony Robbins

But who can say what's best? That's why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.

Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami

In life, you'll meet a lot of jerks. If they hurt you, tell yourself that it's because they're stupid. That will help keep you from reacting to their cruelty. Because there is nothing worse than bitterness and vengeance . . . always keep your dignity and be true to yourself.

- Persepolis

(borrowed off v1's blog)

vodka and fudge *edit

"Sometimes the only thing that works is fudge. And vodka. Vodka and fudge. My mother would be so proud... "

... ...

"You know what? This is the perfect end to the worst day."

"Ever ever ever."

"Hear hear."

cashmere mafia

i was watching this episode (5:17) of cashmere mafia on youtube.

believe me, i can relate.

bitching sessions over fudge and vodka; i could so mentally picture us in our pastel coloured flat sitting pretty atop notting hill, lounging around the living room after a shitty day at work. just sitting eating and talking - girl-bonding ya know? - cracking each other up with asian jokes and getting drunk (more so with mandi and myself, not so much lili - unless, over time we've magically managed to convince her of the merits of inebriation).

i admit, i often imagine life sans bfff-departure. i imagine it to be perfect. the perfect friends, flatmates, travel companions, partners in crime.

after a hectic 9-5 (unrealistically speaking), coming home to a warm and cosy safe haven, preparing dinner together, sharing our woes (either work, boy or life in general), having spontaneous britney spears-backstreet boys singalongs on youtube. random hugs to fulfil the daily quota. being part of the chic notting hill crowd; coffee at cafes on weekends or sipping tea and nibbling cupcakes as we people-watch from our doorstep. thank-god-it's-friday night drinks in soho. buying fresh fruit/flowers whilst chowing down on assorted food from street stalls in portobello on saturday afternoon. sunday brunch and vintage shopping at brick lane/spitalfields market.

sigh sigh sigh.

life could be so perfect.

this is the way it should be
and given time,
this is the way it WILL be.

Kitty: As you can see, I've worn a lot of shoes in my life. It's time to focus on me for awhile and go barefoot.
RM: But, hypothetically speaking.
Kitty: You mean, hypothetically, if I didn't work for you.
RM: Hypothetically, of course.
Kitty: You'd be the first pair I'd try on.
RM: (slowly he smiles and they clink together wine glasses)

quote of the week,

"WHEN IN ROME, DO THE ROMANS."

to be continued...

As you might have guessed, Upper East Siders, prohibition never stood a chance against exhibition. It's human nature to be free, and no matter how long you try to be good, you can't keep a bad girl down.

xoxo

"you didn't hear it from us, but in every girl's life there comes a moment when she realizes her mother just might be more messed up than she is."

you know you love me.


xoxo
gossip girl

"mystery is one of the most important qualities a woman can possess. a woman who is an open book is boring."

- carolina herrera

"only sagittarians know how to turn so-called castles in the air into reality and december is a glorious month for it."

dear baby

"Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight. All they do is wrap you up in their arms without an ounce of selfishness to it." - Waitress

you don't love me anymore.

i was watching Brothers & Sisters on the telly, i think it's pretty darn brilliant. the show and its characters really manage to capture the essence of family and all its players; the overbearing mother who holds the strings and constantly runs the risk of high blood pressure, the intelligent opinionated powersuited elder sister, the middle child who feels perpetually overshadowed and insignificant, the witty articulate brother in-the-closet, the estranged daughter who just can't get along with her mother ("you can't love me.") and finally, the pampered baby of the family.

sally fields: even the way she has a meltdown reminds me of mummy - how she trembles in anger and the way she spits her words out with such vicious accuracy that hits you right where it hurts *shudders* and the words/phrases she uses? "ungrateful" "how did i ever bring up such a child?" "what did i do to deserve this?" "you only care about yourself" "if your father could see you now, he'd be so disappointed"

uh-oh. sounds all too familiar.

i could never understand the great big hullabaloo over rachel griffiths from her six feet under days but god i love her (in B&S). did you see this scene?

[Noah then asks about things with Joe, and Sarah gives him a rueful "oh, you had to ask" look and, not taking her eyes away from his face, lies that "things are good." Noah nods and tries to seem happy for her, but can't hide his disappointment.

Uneasy, Sarah gathers her things and starts to go; Noah tells her it's not a betrayal to talk about things with Joe, because they're friends. "Yeah, so you keep saying," she says, and snorts sadly, and walks past him to leave, but he stops her to ask if she left because "of us, of something that…might have happened."

She stares at him, her eyes shining. He adds that he would hate to think that. "No, no, not at all," she lies. "We have lives, families. We knew where the line was."

starts playing

She smiles bravely. He decides to go along with this, but looks sad again. She goes, and he watches her.]

- television without pity.

that look in her eyes, totally killed me.

i find it funny how women often manage to lie in the face of the ones they love, unblinkingly, when inside they're home to shattered hearts.

disappointment seems to be the mood de rigueur of the season.

i saw this face.. this vision.. you're perfect.

it was the moment of my life.

you came to. you said, "hello stranger."

what a floozy!

i love you. i love everything about you.

you're wonderful.

don't ever forget it.

good.

come here.

i don't kiss strange men.

neither do i.

i don't want trouble.

i'm not trouble.

you're taken.

you. kissed. me.

what are you, twelve?

my boyfriend's here.

he's here, where?

there.

he's very pretty.

she's. very. tall.

did you have sex with him?

yes.

is he good?

ANSWER THE QUESTION!!

why are you doing this?

did you ever love me?

i'm waiting for you.

to do what?

leave me.

i totally love you, what is this?

you're lying, i've been you.

are you flirting with me?

maybe.

why did you swear eternal love when all you wanted was excitement?

love bores you.

no, it disappoints me.

you women don't understand the territory, because you are the territory.

it's not a war.

"hello stranger."