homesick.

I'll lose some sales and my boss won't be happy, But I can't stop listening to the sound Of two soft voices Blended in perfection From the reels of this record that I've found.

Every day there's a boy in the mirror asking me What are you doing here? Finding all my previous motives Growing increasingly unclear.

I've traveled far and I've burned all the bridges I believed as soon as I hit land All the other options held before me, Would wither in the light of my plan.

So I'll lose some sales and my boss won't be happy, But there's only one thing on my mind Searching boxes underneath the counter, On a chance that on a tape I'd find. A song for someone who needs somewhere to long for.

Homesick. Because I no longer know where home is.

sunday night
made my way home amidst miserable weather (pouring rain) and the epitome of efficiency that is london's transportation system; the victoria line was closed so i rode on the circle line instead, there weren't any trains to rochester so i trained to meopham and took a replacement bus back to roch - seemed like forever. arrived around 1am, cabbed home, only to find myself locked out. i had my keys but the latch was on (it can only be unlocked from inside). i frantically called A but she was sleeping and didn't answer. NGR rung me, i was literally in the middle of reading out A's number to him when my phone died. great.

standing outside my front door, in the cold/rain, i panicked. the thought of being locked out till morning did not appeal one bit. i rapped on the door (simultaneously worried my neighbours would call the police) until my already white knuckles turned even whiter, and finally, i saw the light (flick on in the front room). A sleepily came downstairs, opened the front door, and i swear, i have never felt so relieved in my life.

anyway, my point was (haha. me and digression are best friends) - my sunday night spent riding around alone on trains, reminiscing about how it used to be with mandi/lili, homesick on repeat, contemplating CASS lectures on modernity; big cities vs. small towns, two words kept flashing in my head - alienation and fragmentation. feeling the unexplainable yet constant urge to burst into tears every 10 seconds. what's wrong with me?

homesick homesick homesick. *shrugs* it's about that time of year. i usually get homesick around winter. it's cold rainy dark and gloomy and it makes me nostalgic for the land of eternal sunshine. i promise to NEVER complain about the heat again.