fathers, sunflowers and boy (badge)s.

last sunday was especially difficult for me.

those near and dear will not have to look far to see the light. it was a painful reminder of everything we've been through. given that it has been 5 long years, i was surprised to find that this was the toughest year (to get through) thus far. perhaps now that i'm older and more aware of the severity of the situation - the grim understanding that what is lost cannot be regained - it really struck a chord within me.

i was taken aback by the gentle/gradual buildup of tears in my eyes when i was at the temple to burn some jossticks and pay my respects. i expected time to have taken care of the rest; to heal my wounds, yet visiting this strange foreign place filled with row upon row of black and white faces plastered on stone only served to reopen them instead.

every year, father's day is especially trying for me; not just because i don't have one anymore, but also because he passed away on this very same day.

just another one of life's ironies.

my friends have been great though, and i'm not even sure if they realise just how supportive they've been unknowingly.

josh stopped by my workplace with a surprise in hand (literally) - a breathtakingly gorgeous sunflower. i absolutely adore sunflowers. actually, i love flowers! period. bring me a bunch of wildflowers plucked from the side of the road, and i'd be equally touched.

gen came over after work to give me a great big hug and some words of encouragement. i was so happy to see her, i practically leapt over a customer to hug her.

remember that night i mentioned scrounging around/friendster/blog-surfing at asylum while jobi did inventory? well, as she unpacked the new stock, my eye spied this übercute series of SUPER mini-badges in the form of a boy and a girl and a hedgehog etc. (from japan, i think) i expressed my extreme delight at the sight of them there and then. cue: alot of wild exclamations and general noisemaking.

just now, jobi said she had something for me over the phone. totally unaware, i met her and was presented with a flat brown package. when i open it, i find that she has gotten me the boy badge!?!!? AHHHH. okay, i admit - i was screeching like a banshee when i saw it. he's too cute!

i figure (and i guess she figures too):
since i can't have a REAL boy, might as well have a boy badge then. haha