oh god, the lights here are so blinding. someone please remind me why i ever professed my love for airports in the first place.

last night was so... emotional. emotionally overwhelming that is. i was attacked. ambushed. bombarded. by a sudden barrage of feelings. eee. the F word. so now i'm suffering the consequences of walking around with eyes so puffy i'd beat puff daddy hands down. lame yes i know, but seriously, i barely had an hour's worth of rest - that, and the fact that my pillow was soaked to death.

hence, the sunglasses.

my uncle took one look at me and said,"oh god, i didn't know posh spice was here!" so it's 6-something am and i'm strutting around like some bloody superstar who can't bear to look anyone in the eye. it IS an ungodly hour. period. and i'm not a morning person. period period.

freak. and the computer just lost the remainder of my post.

emo-overload. when i said everything, i meant everything: daddy grandpa aunty ivy, de silva's, tan's, myself, my mother, my future inevitable departure.

first i thought of daddy, then i called out for him. even the sound of 'daddy' sounded foreign to me. even the feeling of 'daddy' roll off my tongue felt foreign to me. how long has it been?

one thing led to another, and soon i was all out bawling. and thrashing around with the tears on freeflow. you know what? change isn't always good. it's different, but not necessarily good.

i can actually count the memories i have left of you, each day that passes, the quality of the snapshot fades just a little bit more. soon, i wonder if i'll remember anything at all. your smell, your hugs, your voice, your mannerisms and the way you speakspoke.

so to speak, this trip to UK has triggered a nerve in me. it's a bittersweet departure, for so many varied reasons i can't really put into words right now, maybe i'll have achieved peace of mind by the time i return.

so i bid you all, farewell.

this is me, signing off.