under the tuscan sun.

i miss my sister very much so. there, i said it. now you (she) can gloat merrily as i wallow in this feeling, which frankly isn't very called for. cue: evil grin.

it's not like she did anything to merit it.

she's off on yet another adventure, and all i know is that this unexpected feeling of utter envy is steadily filling me, rising up and slowly inhabiting me. well, not ALL of me, but ALOT okay. she's traipsing away all over the world, from budapest to morocco to barcelona to copenhagen to whoknowswhere and all i can think is: PLEASE, TAKE ME WITH YOU.

i'm jealous, because i know that that free-spirited, gowherethewindtakesyou-girl? she's not me, or i'm not her. try as i might, i know - with every molecule of my existence, that i would never have the audacity to do the things that she has dared to do, with nary a plan in sight, i honestly don't know if she had even planned out a route or a places to stay ahead of time.

i'm jealous, because i wish i had it in me to explore new things and new places, to see the things i've never imagined of seeing - with my own eyes. to spend my days lying in a green field, with goats and lamb and laughing children. i've never touched a goat or a lamb for that matter before, and i just KNOW that if i saw one in an open field, i would go up to it with the curiousity of a child seeing something for the first time; i would stretch out my hand, and touch it.

see life through a new perspective. to play with children of other races, religions, colours, nationality from my own, to live with complete strangers in a foreign land, to taste morsels of food prepared by the warm inviting hands of people opening their houses and hearts to you.

or roam the wild desert, riding on a donkey or camel or the first thing with four legs that can move. i would like to be that princess, to experience that feeling that you spoke about. thinking about princesses, a sudden flashback of jasmine from 'aladdin' comes to mind. heh. i'm thinking silk harem pants, cropped sequinned tops and a particular magic lamp. of course, the crazy genie and aladdin.

remember diane lane in 'under the tuscan sun'? after her marriage and her life fell apart, she went on a gay tour to the bright sunny land of tuscany, purchased a house on impulse after falling in love with it, with hardly enough money in her pockets - she even questioned her state of sanity at one point - and rebuilt a home plus a life for herself. meeting new people and experiencing life all over again.

that's the girl i wish i could be.

free adventurous. i want to see the world. there are days i feel my life is no bigger than a box. and it's all i can do to keep myself from crying out for more, i just want something more.

after i read my sister's blog, do you know what i felt like doing? my first instinct was to take out my SLR, pack my bags, book the next flight out to tuscany and buy a bloody house there. haha.
well, almost. everything but the house.

it's not that i'm unhappy, don't get me wrong. i have a family, a home, friends and a special someone who loves me and completes me but there are days i just feel so small, knowing that there are so many places in the world unseen by my eyes, unexperienced by myself. i honestly don't know if i could do the things she has done, or be free and go with the flow, meet new people, try new things, act as if i had no attachments, but i would like to find out.

i know i would never do it on my own, so i'm hoping that at least with the guiding hand of my sister, i could be less like my normal boring unexciting self and more like a wild carefree child. though, the notion of my sister and i travelling together is just too hilarious/unimaginable for words. she's too messy, i'm too square.

if you need any prompters, just think about the hk 03 trip, i nearly hopped off the plane in MID-AIR because she was driving me crazy. i was nearly driven by desperation to stab myself with the wooden chopsticks to ease the pain.

p/s: virg, i'm really quite glad i'll be seeing you in a couple of weeks. it'll be nice to remember that i have a sister. i hope we get to spend some time together in london, since it obviously never happens in singapore, though i'm almost positive i'll be seeing the universities more when i'm there than be having a leisurely sightsee.