this is so random, i can't even put it under the heading 'random'.

mostly thoughts passing through my head, occasionally black & white images even; like contact prints on a continuous slideshow, rushing along faster than those trains in america, you know.. the kind you see in the movies

the protagonist; more often than not, is positioned a little too close to the edge for comfort, her eyes unfocused, her gaze lost in the endless crowd. the trains charge past violently, shaking everything in sight. her hair floats up, her delicate face in a frame of a thousand strands.

song on repeat: vicanda's (little) secret.

note: carol came in this morn to change my bedsheets. upon hearing the song on repeat, she commented "what kind of music is that? it sounds like drug-addict music." heh heh.

mood: retroretroretro.

bringin' it back with funkyfied white-rimmed 8 dollah! shades, my favourites of the moment.
light blue disco-era earrings, which i also have in silver, but blue's groovier.
turquoise beaded necklace.
my favourite happy shoes of the CENTURY: plastic pink barbie shoes.
add plastic vintage blue bangles/a pretty ribbon bow(s) to complete the look.

alone is the last place i wanted to be.

reading: sputnik sweetheart.
yes, i eventually got round to buying it
(instead of simply remaining in awe of it's spectacular title and synopsis)

last saturday around 12 noon - to be exact- i was sent out to lunch alone (weekends are like that, they say). scene 1: deciding to be adventurous, i left my comfort zone (wisma) and sped over to taka, only to find out i had no money (i was already ordering my food). scene 2: running up escalators after chope-ing a seat with my water bottle. scene 3: running back down. scene 4: bliss. food sweet food.

you know, eating alone ain't that bad. i was too hungry to care about anything else.

but this i must say, on that very day, i had a grand total of THREE people under the impression i was malay. first, the lady at the counter asked me if i could eat pork. i told her i was chinese. then while i was gobbling down my char kway teow, i realised there IS no pork in CKT.

next, the old lady next to me asked me something IN MALAY, simultaneously jabbing her finger at my CKT. having nary a clue as to what the HECK she was saying, i made a wild guess and said "err, 4 dollars?" more as a question than anything. i came to the conclusion she must be indonesian chinese or something, so keeping real quiet, i eavesdropped on her conversation. i heard them speaking in CHINESE! RARR!

last, some chinese mainland woman at F21 said "ni shi hua ren ma?" when i politely offered my salesgirl services with a "hi, can i help you?" cue: slightly raised eyebrows. small smile. nod.

when i simulated the triple combination in front of a mirror, i looked retarded. stabbing myself inwardly, i mused: god, how long have i been making a fool out of myself?

these days i find myself becoming more extroverted, yet introverted. all at the same time, does that make any sense? i feel like i'm taking one step forward and another step back.

i constantly surprise myself with my blooming audacity to approach and strike up conversations with perfect strangers, based on the most flimsy of reasons, ranging from nice hair/bags/shoes, interesting accents, country of origin, their childrens' names, residing and studying in melbourne to psychology and all sorts of interesting topics. since it's part of my job, i embrace it (sorta) and observed something unusual along the way:

i smile alot more now, be it forced or genuine.

it's funny how (BIG, I THINK) intelligent articulate well-read people tend to have deeper voices. or less shrilly high-pitched frivolous bimbotic airhead-sounding ones. shrug.

i'd love to think - and force everyone else to think - that i have a deep voice, but i have a sinking feeling i fall into the latter category.