i crave

tell me what you crave...

i'm craving for colourful 1x1/2x2 rib tank tops! hot pink! lime green! lemon yellow! orange! turquoise! white black grey!

you name it, i want it.

i'm craving for pepperidge farm's soft baked cookies with dark chocolate chunks!

i'm craving for some alone-time. i'd very much enjoy a day-off by myself to do the things i love doing: get all dressed up, head off to town, [note: remember to bring shades to ward off the evil rays of sunlight and the foul looks from passerbys.] go to my favourite places: the library and borders. i love to sit and read&read for hours until it's dinnertime and my little excursion is over.

i'm craving for new shoes! i still want my stilettos. my ballerina flats with girlish bows.

i'm craving for my diary. i'm just itching to scribble something sinfully intimate. my innermost thoughts, my bitchy comments- my vulnerabilities penned down in black and white, for none to see. i miss signing off my name with a little heart at the end of every entry.

my diary is to me like self-help books are to deepak choprak.

i'm craving for SHOPPING SPREES! CKone. my $100 tangs voucher. the FCUK black & pink beaded full skirt.

i'm craving to fall in love...

i'm not talkin sweet pure innocent love- the kind where the boy and girl hold hands in the rain and profess their adoration for each other and talk on the phone every night and whisper sweet everythings about how much boy loves girl. the kind where they sms each other every minute of every second of the day to remind each other of their love and commitment. the kind of love built on sunsets and flowers, chocolates and promises.

i'm talkin crazy mad love- the kind where the boy and girl are so passionate about their love that they would jump off buildings to prove it and hire planes to typewrite messages in the sky "LOVE ME IF YOU DARE". i'm talkin love so insane and absurd that one would simply DIE without the other- as if their souls were sucked out in entirety.

the same way photographs gets exposed to light. the same way butteflies can't fly when you clip their wings. the same way you bleed when you get cut. the same way petals bloom at the first sign of light. the same way...

love so sweet, yet so bitter.
love so pure, yet so jaded.
love so raw, yet so flawed.
love so pretty, yet so unkind.
love so deep, yet so scarred.
love so intense, yet so foolish.

i'm talkin love so true that they could not see each other for years, yet still feel the presence of one another thousands of miles away. in that sense- a love that can't be seen or heard, but felt.

mad mad crazy love. that's what i crave. i want to be so consumed in this imaginary love of mine that i forget about life itself. i want to be so taken in with this imaginary love of mine that i forget to breathe. i want this imaginary love of mine to spin me around, up and down and spit me right out. i want to be pulled down under and drowned in this imaginary love of mine. i want to be blindfolded and suffocated by this love. i want to be taken far away from this world i live in and flung into another dimension. i want to lose my balance and never regain footing.

i want to forget what it ever felt like not to be in love.

Carrie: Well, maybe it's time to be clear about who I am. I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris. It's not your fault. It's my fault. I shouldn't have come here.

-Sex in the City