And if my heart should somehow stop

And there are times I know when I will have to chase you
And the further from my side you go, the longing grows
And I will hate it, I still want you,
Cause I will hate it, but I still want you around

Another sleepless night. 
I find myself here again, penning my thoughts. 
Why am I thinking about you? 
Perhaps this is a symptom of post-traumatic (Valentine's Day) syndrome.

Romance... what is that? 

I used to think love and romance were about grand gestures - flowers, couple rings, candlelight dinners - and showy declarations. It's taken me 27 years to realize otherwise. True romance is in the little gestures.

It's easy enough to splash out on one day a year, but it's quite another thing to hold her to sleep every night, to make her breakfast in bed every day, to walk her to and from the train station without fail, to carry her out of the bathroom after every shower, to prepare baths for her (complete with candles and incense) after a long day, to crazy dance with her (wearing pjs) in the kitchen/living room when a good song comes on, and slow dance with her (standing on your feet) surrounded by people at a party, looking into each other's eyes like you're the only ones in the room. To draw her little maps (because she always gets lost) and leave typewritten notes around the house for her to find, to sketch her when she's unaware, to make her limitless cups of coffee and tea, to chide her when she's hungover and nurse her when she's ill. To love her through the good, the bad and the crazy.

To tell her she's the best thing to ever happen to you, 

And to leave her because you know it's the best thing for her. 

Almost 2 years on, and I still haven't been able to fully open my heart and let anyone else in. I'm afraid no one will ever love me the way you loved me. That I'm incapable of loving like that again, because I'm terrified of getting hurt. I'm so broken on the inside I don't feel anything anymore. Worse of all, I don't think I want to feel. 

We all get one great love in this lifetime, I'm afraid you might have been it.