yellow.

17 days to my 21st.
18 days till rome.
25 days till home.

i'm feeling... odd.
not odd good, or odd bad. just... odd.

there is a strange feeling of displacement hovering around me. the sensation of being detached from the rest of the world; like i'm on a constant see-saw, flitting between this strange new place i call home, and home.

i belong neither here nor there. i mean, my heart will always belong to singapore. but, my body has been stranded here. of all places. and yet, when i take voyeuristic (who doesn't?) peeks into the lives of people from my old life, i find that i no longer have the urge to know, or care. instead, i feel disinterested. bored. same old. the same people at the same places doing the exact same thing they were doing before i left, and probably will still be doing when i come back.

nowadays, i find my thrills elsewhere.

my need to explore places, to travel far and wide. to learn about life beyond anything i've ever known or been taught. a refresher course in history, culture and geography - we learn as we go along, right? to meet people from all over the world. to bond with strangers over the most unexpected of circumstances. resulting in: priceless memories that are often irreplaceable.

above all, living life.
exactly the way i want to.

currently listening to: kids with guns, the gorillaz in amanda/lili's kitchen. my bum parked on their cozy couch. as it always is. heh

i can't wait for my 21st. me being typically me, i usually make a big fuss over birthdays anyway. but this time, there's something different (in the air). honestly speaking, i can't quite put my finger on it but there's this crazy excitement/thrilling anticipation, of what's to come.

maybe it's just the... validification of self. turning 21, is like my 18th birthday all over again, but wayy better. it's supposed to signify adulthood good and proper, becoming a 'woman' in every sense of the word.

ha ha. my mother would choke if she could hear me right now.

and then there's rome.. rome rome rome. "when in rome, do as the romans do." you bet your sweet ass we will! the other night, um one of many, (spent) sitting on the very couch i'm currently on, we finally booked our accommodations for rome. and it hit me. we're really doing this. we're going to rome; just the three of us. i couldn't think of better travelling companions than these two nuts. haha. the hostel we're going to be staying at sounds amazing. i'm looking forward to meeting all these imaginary new people already, and we haven't even left - yet.

after our return, 3 excruciatingly long days will have to pass before i get to pack up and LEAVE. coming home. ahh.. i'm experiencing a mixture of feelings at the thought alone. eventually she breathes a sigh of relief. it's been too long. she misses her creature comforts.

lying curled up in bed with my bolbol, reading a book, watching tv - i forgot what a privilege it was to have a tv - msning/blogging on my laptop. creeping downstairs in the middle of the night/wee hours of the morning, to make toast+butter+sugar and milo dinosaur. watching korean drama serials over dinner - sitting on the cool floor, leaning against the sofa - in the living room with carol, grandma and verrell. hugging my baby tight, hoisting him onto my lap or just laying down beside him. having someone in the house to talk to, at any time of day. my handphone ringing/beeping from smses all the time, with friends making plans to go out/for the weekend/to grab dinner.

i miss all of that, too damn much.

i have that here too, but in a different way.
not different good, or different bad. just... different.