certifiably okay.

i just had an epiphany.

well not just, more like at 7:30-ish this morning, as i was lying in bed trying my darnest to block out the annoying rays of sunlight - from the already risen sun - in its continually increasing brightness. i tossed and turned restlessly, until i decided: what the hell i might as well scribble this down somewhere or suffer the dire consequence of not getting any sleep whatsoever. i grabbed a pen and paper from my bedside table and jotted bits and pieces down.

my thoughts: perhaps, turning 20 did mean something after all. maybe it was a not-as-lifechanging-as-turning-21-but-pivotal-enough turning point in ones' life, namely mine.

has enlightenment beckoned?
i questioned fruitlessly.

there's not much of a conclusion you can arrive at, at 7:30 in the morning (having had no sleep, mind you) - lying languidly in bed in your underwear - even if you wanted to.

the only bit i can be certain/positive of is:
it has been 4 years since daddy's premature departure
and 4 months since the end of my first love/relationship

MAYBE / PERHAPS /
i can't cry because there no longer is a reason to -
i'm okay. not A-okay,
but certifiably okay.