but it's not.

this is going to sound like another one of those late night (or early morning, however you see it) 5:45 am ramblings by an incurable nocturnal creature of the night - i get hyper at the oddest hours, when i should be asleep - but it's gotta be done.

note: and to think that i come home at the same time as the bats fly back, to hang over my front door - that's definitely saying something, my friend.

i kill myself, thinking too much.

an ipod nano, a thoroughly unexpected gift
from the ex-boyfriend.
the hundreds and hundreds of photographs
that flash endlessly
before my very eyes,
a neverending slideshow
of you and me; us
is/was almost too much to take.
i have to say
it is/was having its desired effect -

nostalgia is was on overdrive.
but, that was last night.

"can i drive?" said i.

with a quick handover of the car keys, i took the wheel.
driving around my estate has a calming effect on me
especially after i paid a visit to my favourites;
2 nim crescent and the bamboo house.
blasting and rocking out to "how to save a life"
in a completely stationary car. it's funny.
i know my insane singing overpowered yours
in every way humanly possible.

sigh. oh to be footloose and fancy-free
i yearn, i yearn.

Aimee Mann
It's Not

I keep going round and round on the same old circuit.
A wire travels underground to a vacant lot.
Where something I can't see interrupts the current.
And shrinks the picture down to a tiny dot.
And from behind the screen, it can look so perfect.
But it's not.

So here im sittin in my car at the same old stop light.
I keep waiting for a change, but I don't know what.
So red turns into green, turning into yellow.
But I'm just frozen here on the same old spot.
And all I have to do is press the pedal.
But I'm not. No I'm not.

Well people are tricky,
You can't afford to show,
anything risky, anything they don't know.
The moment you try, well kiss it goodbye.

So baby kiss me like a drug, like a respirator.
And let me fall into the dream of the astrounaut.
Where I get lost in space that goes on forever.
And you make all the rest just an afterthought.
And I believe it's you who could make it better.
But it's not. No it's not.

will somebody please make it all go away?