happy father's day.

once again, i don't quite know what to say. it must be contagious, this feeling.

I FEEL ALONE.

cliched as it may sound, i can't help the feeling. in school, especially. i thought that being a senior in my third year was supposed to be the time when we all stick together against the big bad world of crotch width and all other evils. instead, i find myself being alienated- whether consciously or subconsciously- i don't know. i find myself friendless time and time again.

I AM ALONE.

the funny thing is, even when i'm NOT alone, i AM alone. i may be surrounded by all my classmates, yet i know i'm the only one with me.

i miss jobina, pauline, cindy, amanda, quek, shanee.. etc SO MUCH. but we're all so busy, what else can we do but to offer the occasional hug of solace in the canteen? i know this sounds crazy, but i'd willingly go back to sem 3 when we were all battling HOC, FRM, sourcing & costing and the rest of our core subjects. because that was the one true time we stuck it out. together. arm in arm, hand in hand.

"one wrong. all wrong." - pattern grading, christine foong.

i don't know what this is. maybe it's just a phase i'm going through. maybe dealing with this is harder than i thought it would be. maybe i'm not as strong as i'm supposed to be. maybe i just need someone to talk to. maybe there's no one around to be that person.

but there's one thing for sure that's not a maybe.

I MISS YOU DADDY.

i miss you like i've never missed anyone before. please god, give me a sign. i know he's gone but please, let me know if somehow out there somewhere, he's missing me too.

happy father's day.