it's not often that i publicly announce an apology but i guess this will have to make do, unless i see you in person and come up with the guts to say it to you face-to-face.

i misjudged you. and for that, i'm sorry.

i'm not saying that you're totally innocent and excluding you from the entire equation. i'm simply giving you credit for being alot smarter than the not-so-pretty little picture i painted you out to be. the proof of intelligence stems from much more than just grades, i of all people should know better- being brought up in a family of geniuses (with the exception of myself) so what if you can't spell "definitely" properly?

it doesn't mean shit.

now i plead my part, for what it's worth. i was nothing more than a sixteen year old girl. yes, a GIRL. not a woman or even a lady. fresh out of secondary school, with the only proper daily contact that i had ever had with the male species being in primary school, eons ago. i was so happy, so excited when you noticed me and spoke to me on the bus. it was the FIRST time someone i liked liked me back. or so i thought. when i received your email, i was at the one-stop center. i started screaming like a banshee. a sight i'm sure my friends will have no problem visualising. i was a nobody, but i had my eye on you. when you seemingly reciprocated those intentions, i was a very happy girl.

i'm not too sure what unfolded subsequently. it's all hazy now.

i was so stupid, naive and innocent. i've been told too many times before. i'd be a hazard to society if i were to be let out of my comfort zone, even now- a tiny bubble compared to the big bad world. i dumbly claimed never to have smokers among my circle of friends. i even tried convincing smokers to quit. who the hell did i think i was? judging others that way. imposing my values and morals on others, who were so obviously different. different upbringings, different ethics. i had no right in doing what i did, in saying the things i said, in making the preconceived notions that i made.

but i was only sixteen, barely going on seventeen.

alot can happen in a year, don't EVER think otherwise.

i'm not promising to forever hold my peace. once in awhile, the hurt, anger and bitterness will spill forth. but from now till then, i'll try.

you hurt me then. i thought you led me on. i made a huge fuss out of small thing. i got angry when i thought i saw you bitching with her at wisma. i don't know. i shouldn't let my imagination run wild huh?

next time i see you, i'll walk over. say hi. smile. make peace with the past, at last.

LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO HOLD GRUDGES.

i'm not intentionally trying to create any sort of tension. the only reason i'm saying your name is just so if by any chance, you see this. you'll understand. so greg,