faze me

this is me, making good on my promise to blog more frequently - not that anyone cares ha ha - but *sigh* i must admit i have nothing remotely intelligent to say; call it lack of inspiration/writer's block, whatever. maybe i'm just... could it be...

god forbid! i could actually be happy?

anyone in the creative industry (or trying to get there) knows there's nothing worse than being happy and contented. they say, artists/poets/designers/musicians need to be starving and heartbroken in order to write beautiful songs/prose or create breathtaking designs. but happy? dammit. a little depression never hurt anyone. bring on the depression and i promise, I PROMISE, the writing will come naturally *grin*

one observation i've made of late, nothing seems to faze me anymore.

i don't know what it is exactly (can't quite put my finger on it) or how it happened, but it did. perhaps it's the constant travelling, the relocation from one place to another. singapore>uk>singapore>uk. rochester>london>rochester.
rochester>london>cambridge>london>rochester.

surely you get what i mean. new places, new faces. having to adapt to the country, city/town, culture, people, food...etc. the feelings of displacement i yap on about ever so often.

the first time i came over was probably the one and only time i truly allowed myself the luxury to feel afraid and to be overwhelmed by... their uniform of tracksuits (i don't believe i need to elaborate. it's like 'little britain' where i live, only these people are FOR REAL), the seedy drugged out atmosphere of camden, the intimidatingly stylish/stylishly intimidating people at brick lane, the row upon row upon row of shops at oxford circus TOPSHOP! is a gift sent from heaven aka arcadia group/sir philip green, the way the over/underground system - public transport in its entirety - was completely beyond my comprehension, the vastness of it all... the endless possibilites.. both amazed and terrified me.

i'm a person who needs boundaries. i need notebooks/diaries/journals with lines in them. i need to know how far to go. this lack of rules and regulations was...

liberating

but scarily so,

for awhile.

*wink*

have you ever stood motionless in the middle of london victoria? you should try it someday. it's an amazing feeling. like a breath of fresh air. well, it was... now i simply don't have the time to stand in the middle of london vic and people-watch. i suppose the novelty has worn off..

interesting fact #1
london is notorious for its public transportation; not only for its inefficiency and tendency to break down as and when, or the people on the overhead speakers thingy advising you to drink more water in summer, or for 100% (not ninety-nine, a hundred) commuters ignoring you/pretending you're invisible when you're bawling your eyes out on the train for 1.5 hours (i've read it's been known to happen to others, not just me. thank god)

interesting fact #2
the fact that being found in possession of certain drugs (depending on class) in singapore warrants the death penalty STUNNED my classmates, because over here, rumour has it that everyone knows someone who knows a dealer. the parties we attended, to my knowledge were simply get-togethers for the freshers to mingle and er, drink themselves into oblivion? apparently everyone else knew that drugs were being used, they said they could smell it in the air - i just assumed it was bad ventilation.

you know, this is so typical of me, to go off on a tangent... i almost forgot why i started talking/writing about all this in the first place. i was watching grey gardens, our lecturer J recommended we see it. it's a documentary; it's real, unscripted, a million times more 'reality' than the crap shows we see on tv nowadays. who really cares if 'LC can't dictate all our lives' or whether denise richards' life post-bond girl/charlie sheen divorce is truly 'complicated'? honestly, who. gives. a shit. (don't blame me for quoting them. there are far too many advertisements on tv)

my point is, when J mentioned that they were both loony and that one of them wears cardigans on her head in place of scarves, it was completely ludicrous, and hilarious. we all burst out laughing. however when i watched it, i didn't laugh (well, i did. just once.. because in the first scene she referred to her outfit as 'the revolutionary outfit' or something to that effect) hence the tangent about being UNFAZED. aha! i bet you were waiting for it.

the ending just made me want to cry. it was real, it was funny and honest. they were both such entertaining characters, true to themselves. it's rare to find such people nowadays, who live in a world of their own and aren't afraid to say it is so.