I'M IN THE MOOD FOR MURAKAMI HARU.

i'm in the mood for murakami haru.

i used to stutter and stumble just to get the words 'haruki murakami' out, but ever since
the kinokuniya counter-girl referred oh-so-knowledgably to the author as 'murakami haru' -
as if he invited her round for tea on a daily basis - it's been hard to get it out of my head.

hah, as if i could recite his name without enough trouble as it is, remembering his nickname proves to be an even bigger challenge.

marukami murakimi murakami.

oh god, it all sounds the same to me. the u's and the a's are so easily interchangeable that i just can't get it right.

i swear it's some frickin conspiracy, that all the 'so-called' 'good-looking' clique-y people of the world know each other or at least forge connections/alliances for the sole purpose of calling upon them in future (if need be), to create some usefulness out of knowing each other, and they can do so, all under the guise of being 'friends'.

god, it's like some big friendster MASTERPLAN, to unite all the mean girls, to create an army and take over the world!

and the irony of it all is that, the majority of them are not even good-looking,
most of the time all you can see of them is their wrinkly hyper-aged fingers flicking cigarette ash around and incredibly unglam red faces (alcohol-induced, of course). don't they know how stupid they look?

i'm so sick of plastics; spending wasting their entire lives away in their pathetic little bubbles of made-up friendships that revolve around bitching and backstabbing other people, so much so that if one day they were to run out of subjects for them to pick at, all they would be left with, would be each other.

this is me, take it or leave it.
yes yes, mad rambling is all part and parcel of having middle-of-the-night revelations.

i was telling lishan i've been staying up till the most ungodly hours of the night.

i suppose it's because 'i find clarity of the mind late at night.' i said.

maybe the physical silence of the night reflects on myself, and my ability to find peace and serenity when the world is asleep.

suddenly, a thought.. well, more like a memory from my past jolted me,

i remember telling you that i was depressed, unable to find meaning and direction in life before school started; late at night, when my entire family was asleep, i'd feel like the only person (awake) in the world. i felt so so alone.

and you said you felt exactly the same way,
funny. i don't feel so alone anymore.

because somewhere out there (changi) i know that someone (G) loves me. hee.