let me indulge in a little self-pity, please.

looks like there are going to be four empty seats in the audience on 8th february, wednesday. supposedly one of the most important nights of my life. supposedly.

my family will be nearby- at one fullerton no less- enjoying a buffet. which has been booked in advance and is far too important to give a miss. *shrugs* so near, yet so far. my best friend remains uncontactable. my other best friend has to go shopping with her cousin. etc.

everyone that i hold near and dear to me will be absent. i'm trying my hardest not to be upset, trying being the keyword. it's okay, i tell myself. at least they won't be there to witness humiliation of any kind.

though i know i can at least count on one person to be there, not in body, but in spirit.
you wouldn't miss it for the world. right daddy?

sometimes i think i expect too much, that's why i always end up disappointed. i think the lesson to learn is not to expect anything at all. maybe it's really all about 'you give what you get'. and since i haven't been giving much lately, that's why i ain't getting any.

to sarah: i'm sorry i forgot your birthday for the first time ever, and for not attending your party. there will be a make-up party, i promise.