close your eyes.

i think i'm a sucker for pain.

the whole process of falling for someone unattainable; someone who would never give you a second glance, let alone even notice you on the first. falling hard and fast and then languishing in the pain of knowing you'll never be together.

i know FOR SURE i don't miss that feeling. but for every rule, there are exceptions to be made.

there's something so attractive? no i wouldn't say that.. hmm. appealing? no. i don't know actually. there's just SOMETHING about it that draws you to the notion. of wanting someone to like, someone to watch from afar. with the knowledge burning a hole in your heart, that that person has someone else in mind; that he could step into the same lift as you, completely unaware of your desire to be with him or how many times a day you think about him.

or that you could list his likes and dislikes in an instant, where he lives, his timetable and past schools. that you know how many siblings he has, the brands he fancies, the girl on his mind- knowing it's not you.

he can't see the pain flicker in your eyes when his light up at the sight of the one on his mind. you know he thinks about her the way you think about him. he is oblivious to everyone but her.

yet still you trudge on. you sit in silence, just listening- upon hearing 'your song', when in actual fact it's just yours, because he doesn't know you exist. the pang of pain bounces around your heart, hitting all the major nerves. then he walks in, and suddenly the world is alright again.

it's such a tried and tested formula that even the tv shows use it.

buffy and angel? they can't be together because the moment he experiences true happiness (read: making love to her) he regains his former soul and becomes the most evil vampire there ever was. oh and she has to kill him to save the earth from being sucked into hell. i watched and re-watched this episode so many times (with sound and on mute), crying through it all, and emerging with such swollen eyes that my mother thought somebody died.

their song: close your eyes, christopher beck.

alias? after losing 2 years of her life, syd has to stand by and watch the evil biatch lauren steal her man. oh fine! they got married when syd was presumed dead. and in another episode, syd has to stab vaughn to save his life. then she has to stand by (again) and watch lauren kiss him in the hospital. this scene really broke my heart. the pain evident in jennifer garner's eyes was enough to make me cry.

their song: ooh child, beth orton.

smallville? i stopped watching because you know that's it! when the show stops making sense. and also, what's the point of watching when you know who he's gonna end up with? anyway, just as lana lang was about to break up with whitney, his father dies. she can't possibly go through with it. at the funeral, she has to stand by his side, all the while staring into clark's eyes. there was pain. and for the first time, i could see it. this, without a doubt, is the most beautiful episode in smallville.

their song: time after time, eva cassidy.

at least i know i'm not the only sucker for pain :)