hello stranger

lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate incidents left me bewildered and huh-ed out.
closer completely messed me up about love, relationships, marriage, monogamy, fidelity.

i'm going to watch it again. alone.

you know how sometimes you sit by the phone, waiting for a call... but it never comes?

and every single time it DOES ring, it's someone else looking for everyone else but you.

the next thing you know
is waking up the next morning,
phone cradled in your arms.
the call never came.

this feeling rushes over you,
threatening to swallow you whole.
the more the person means to you,
the worse you feel.

of course there's a reason.
there's always a reason.
but somehow,
i don't wanna hear it.

the most agonizing part
is the waiting.
the endless waiting.
the not-knowing.

we all want to be lied to
just to be spared the pain of truth.

the wandering mind can do so much more damage then a wandering heart.

which is worse?

i despise guys who look at me (and/or other girls) when they're with their girlfriend,
holding her hand. for reasons unknown, the physical intimacy of hand-holding
makes the crime all the more heinous.

i admit i maintain eye contact just to see who will break it off first. most of them look away when they realise i'm looking back. it's the ones who have that smug look on their faces and keep looking.. they disgust me.

i mean
searing piercing gazes.
i sense
wanting longing desire.

there's nothing wrong in looking.
but to look, it means you're still searching.
for someone more.
prettier. hotter. better.
you're not satisfied with what you have,
even when she's right by your side
and her heart is in your hands.

it makes me wonder if
your heart is with her
because your mind sure isn't.
oh yeah, and neither are your eyes.

i despise people who talk all this crap about 'open relationships'. especially if they're in one.
that's just a sorry excuse for their inability to commit. and they know it.
and people who say that the physical act
is just that, physical.
they try to justify themselves,
by saying it means nothing
if the heart's not there.
if the heart's not involved.

how can you say that?
the heart is ALWAYS involved.
like it or not.

yeah, THIS is how much closer messed me up. big time.

will you please restore my faith in mankind?
emphasis on man.

"Hello stranger."