sk2

life is a joke, i tell you.

more often that not, we don't get what we want. when we're too tired, we can't sleep. when we're too hungry, we lose our appetites. when we're too nervous, we screw things up. when we raise our hopes up high, we get disappointed. when apples are too sweet, they taste bitter. when we like someone, he/she likes someone else.

okay, point made. 5 points to ME! muhahaha.
i'm still kinda in my exam mode, much ado about buyer behaviour.

this might not make sense right now, but it will in due course. and if it doesn't...
so. freakin. what?

since when did i start oweing the world an explanation for every little thing that i do?

these random thoughts come to me, like bees to honey and children to manda (hee) whenever i'm not doing anything and my brain is playing monkeybars in my head. whatever that means. i guess this sudden jolt of rebelliousness is about doing what i want, when i want to; without ever having to say WHY.

as i was saying, these thoughts come to me when i'm sitting down doing nothing; waiting for the bus, on the bus.. and so on and so forth.

my three anti-commandments:

why can't i like someone without having to explain myself?
why can't i NOT like someone without having to justify myself?
why can't i act the way i want to, without fear of consequences?

it is SO frustrating having to answer to everybody. i should answer to no one but MYSELF.. and perhaps my lecturers, but education's a whole different story altogether. step aside fashion!

i've decided on a few things:
-i shall stop being such a nosey parker and minding other peoples' business.
even if it kills me (which it won't).
-i shall not eavesdrop or ask people what they're talking about. it's none of my business. everyone has a right to their privacy.
-i should start saying NO instead of YES.
-say what i really feel, masking it only represses it. (i'm sure having a repressed psychological nutcase like me around won't do much good to the world)
-have consideration for others, but not to the extent that i forget to consider myself.
-throw less tantrums.
-learn to deal with stress, or lack of it.
-stop gossiping, or cut down on it.
-reduce bitchiness factor.
-learn to let go of grudges.
-tell the truth, making up stories doesn't help.

you know, about the last point there.. i'm starting to think that there really is some sort of dysfunction in the way my brain works OR does not work. whenever i'm in a tight spot- something that happens pretty often- instead of facing up to it, telling the truth and risk being yelled at, i resort to concocting the most ridiculous stories ever. i don't get myself. why can't i just tell the truth? obviously, this doesn't happen often with my close friends or friends (if you guys suddenly had second thoughts about the things i've said in the time you've known me). this is more likely to happen with people i'm not close to, people i'm afraid of or yeah.. authoritative figures.

about liking someone... it's a free world people, be a little less narrow minded. i truly am annoyed by this. unless the person is attached and i'm some sort of 3rd person- which i am not and do not wish to be- or married or engaged. but goodness, you all know me better than that. if you don't, then i'm sorry. there is absolutely nothing wrong with NOT liking someone either. don't you dare enforce your beliefs on me and try to psycho me into forming favourable impressions of someone. if there is an impression to be made, then obviously he didn't make one the first time round did he?

also, my msn nicks are there for NO REASON except to please myself and provide entertainment for me and those who perceive it to be of entertainment value. don't go around second guessing my intentions or motives or whatever. sometimes it means something, sometimes it doesn't. i change them whenever i get inspired, which could be of 5 second intervals, please just give it up. it is not cute or sweet or anything like that, it's simply DISTURBING.

most girls enjoy being liked and chased. but for some reason, i get the most irritation value out of it. it doesn't say much about your character when you praise me everytime you see me. it just makes me want to retract my msn display picture. complimenting is one thing, overdoing it is another. i'm no cindy crawford, give it a break. give me a break.

since the word 'ranting' has been seriously overrated and overused these days, i shall use the word 'complaining' 'whining' whatever. obviously 'whatever' has been overused in this entry too, but whatever. i don't owe anyone anything. i should just stop bothering about what other people think. i should stop bothering about what i think other people think and just bother about what i think. hah. think.

something else (someone else) has been giving me so much grief lately. yes people, SHE IS AMONG US. i shall think of it this way; God has placed a challenge before me and he expects me to rise up to it gracefully. unfortunately, dealing with irritating people is not my forte, especially if you want the job done G-R-A-C-E-F-U-L-L-Y. forcefully, yes. gracefully? no.

i knew that if i wrote an entry after every time i see her or had class with her, the only visible words would be @(**$)&*T@*&#)*&!!!)@# cindy already noticed my ultra black face from the second i stepped into the canteen. yup. so i give myself some time to cool down and pray for tomorrow to be a better day before i blog. but i will D-I-E if i do not say this tonight.

LET GO OF THE BLOODY MOUSE YOU BITCH.

mission accomplished.