fields of gold.

i went shopping yesterday! it's surprisingly liberating to do things by yourself. i found this out by accident, years ago when an outing with sarah went wrong and turned out to be my path to singlegirlshoppingspreedom.

you don't have to plan where & when to meet.
you don't get pissed off friends when you wake up late and decide not to go.
you don't have to wait for anyone to be late.
you come and go as you please.
you can do/buy/eat anything you want & like.
you don't owe anyone anything.

if you're concerned about how you look:
do the whole makeup thing. (when you smile, it cracks)
dress your best. (for fear of meeting people you know)
have a backup plan. (talk to yourself on the phone)

if you can't be bothered:
skip the makeup. (weather's too hot anyway/it melts)
dress down. (look good for what?)
turn off your handphone. (anti-disturbance mode)

if i've said it once, i've said it a billion times: alone-time rocks.
my mouth got time-off yesterday. i didn't have to constantly be yabbering away, (people get freaked out when i stay silent for prolonged periods of time) i like to be quiet once in awhile too, (hard as it is to believe).

i was rushing. i had 5 minutes to get ready. white tank top. jeans, too long. folded up hem. faded white butterfly belt. belt and top were different shades of white. YUCK. i grabbed my sister's mango bag, which has been dented out of shape. stuffed it with makeup and such. no time to comb my hair. messy ponytail/bun. dirty pink flip flops.

by the time i got into the car, i was a sweaty mess. i sat facing the mirror (i forgot what it's called. rearview mirror?) and attempted to dab on foundation. after awhile, i was like, "heck it." i threw the contents of my makeup back into my bag and proceeded to comb my hair.

mission: to find a pink OR grey top that matches my chiffon pinkovergray skirt from hk for chinese new year. i actually have a black top (not new) that matches just fine. but according to the mother, i have to have a complete outfit. head to toe. NO BLACK. superstitious freak.

what i bought instead:

forever 21 shades. $11.
tea-coloured. squarish frames. oversized.
i tried them on the day before during our class outing, and ruth said the combination of my messy bun and the shades completed the look: i'm-a-celebrity-don't-look-at-me! hah.

CKone eau de toilette. $67.
the sexiest androgynous unisex scent known to woman&mankind.
i knew exactly what i wanted. i went right up to the lady and asked for CKone, smaller bottle. there was a promotion going on; for the same price, i could get the perfume and lotion, sample sized versions of ETERNITY MOMENT and TRUTH Calvin Klein, MEN. in a bag. whoohoo!

Perllini shoulder bag $29.90.
white PVC. silver ring dangling from zip.
i went to that part of the bag section in Tangs last year and i noticed this pretty yellow bag. i was so into white at that time, naturally i asked for the colour. no stock. yesterday, i almost didn't enquire because i assumed they had no stock. aha! she disappeared into the storeroom for awhile and emerged with it, victoriously i add. last piece. didn't even have to think about it.

the best part:
i only spent $18 cash. $90 in voucher form, Tangs. i still have the last $10 voucher. la-la-la.

my new love: taking cabs.
yesterday, i alighted at yck. ran madly across the road. hailed a cab. got in. started a conversation with the taxi driver. i inquisitively enquired about the bidding system, after a message came in with the call originating from 26 mimosa road, barely 2 seconds away from my house. he explained the bidding war to me, comparing it to 'who wants to be a millionaire'. he remarked that i didn't look very young. i indignantly retorted,"i just turned 18!" he meant that i didn't resemble those fresh secondary school graduates. we were conversing fairly comfortably in chinese, (my interaction with the hkgangster has paid off after all) and he told me he had 2 young sons nan chiau. i asked if it was part of the hokkien huay kuan and he smiled and said my memory was very good. when i mentioned that i was from aitong primary school, he replied that i would have a good future/career :)

i've been writing too much in point form these days.

i credit my fatigue solely to school. i'm trying out this new tactic: psyching myself up for school. going for lectures and tutorials alone isn't that bad. i'll be more independent. being surrounded by a sea of unfamiliar faces isn't that horrid. i'll learn to block out distractions. SA isn't that annoying, only kelvin is. it's a good leadership opportunity, FOR HIM. ADP1 isn't that hard, i just gotta work harder. i'll be a better designer in future. regardless of how commercial i am, or what his personal preferences are, i'll still do my best. i'll learn from experience.

my weekend was originally packed with the gazing of star-drenched skies lying on rattan mats at a banyan tree resort/spa type birthday party. a hip happening mish mash of people from all walks of sarah's life. lit candles romantically framed the backyard. mountains of food. shepard's pie. yum. pizza. yum. drinks. tacos and dip. yum. lemon cake. yum.

for some unfathomnable reason, i was simply unable to have fun last night. friends were telling stories, jokes and laughing crazily while i sat blank faced the majority of the night.

is PMS calling my name?

the only moments of saving grace were derived from eva cassidy.

her masterful vocals. poetic words. layered meanings. pain fully clear.

easily one of the most beautiful voices i've ever heard in my life.

as we swung on the swing in her front porch, listening to her sing her songs. i fell silent.

broc kept asking if i was okay. she patted my shoulder and told me not to be depressed. is it even possible to be depressed for no apparent reason? i think so. the lone ranger. sitting on the swing, listening to "fields of gold" again and again until it was etched in memory. the words spinning endlessly in my head. the tune on repeat.

the beanless bag. fluffy bunny ears. butterfly alien-lookalike kite. all for the birthday girl.
she was all of age nineteen.

loads of people i didn't know and didn't bother knowing. lots of conversations i didn't converse in. lots of socialising going on that i didn't socialise in.

what's happening to me? how did my guilt-free shopping spree end up in a mind-dulling evening filled with friends talking over one another and me sitting on the swing listening to nostalgically depressing songs alone?

have i forgotten how to have fun?

don't even mention zouk. no comment.

p/s: 2 items off my wishlist! tick tick.